My friend is anorexic....HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2003
My friend is anorexic....HELP!
3
Sun, 10-26-2003 - 8:45pm
I am almost positive that my best friend of 15 years has anorexia nervosa. I have done extensive research on the internet and have found that she has almost all the symptoms. My problem is... how do I talk to her about this? Everything I have read says that I should not confront her about it because I may lose her as a friend. I'd hate to lose her as a friend but I would much rather see her live. Any suggestions on how I should go about this? Thank you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 8:13am

Hi - Sorry for the late reply.


Personally, I think it's ok to talk to her about it. Just approach her in a gentle, caring way and don't be confrontational. Just offer your support or just your willingness to listen and make sure you tell her that you are doing it because you care for her, not to judge her or change her.


If she denies it then I wouldn't press the issue. Maybe just point her to some websites like this one or www.somethingfishy.org. Most of all, don't try to make her eat - not that you would do so, but I know when we see someone who looks so skinny you fear for their health, we want to do everything we can to make them feel better.


Keep in mind, this is my opinion only and you may get more/other opinions here. I do know this is hard for you and if it helps you to come here for support or to get a better understanding of what your friend is going through, please do so anytime. You are always welcome here and I truly appreciate that you are trying to help your friend.

Love & hugs, Kristina


Love & hugs, Kristina

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 4:23pm
hi

i have a mix of anorexia and bulimia and unfortunately, i am not in recovery at all, so i think i may be able to help...at least ill tell how i would want you to talk to me about it...

first of all, if you are going to talk to her about (which i think you definitely should) dont 'confront' her, be gentle...let her know that youve noticed her problem but make sure she knows you want to help her and that you are not angry/disappointed etc but that youll be her shoulder to cry on. nobody noticed i have a problem, and i work hard to keep them from doing so, i only feel comfortable talking about it on the internet or to my best friend who has the same problem, but sometimes i wish one of my other friends or my mum, i wish they would notice my problem and let my cry on their shoulder, instead of into my pillows every night...in my experience, ppl with eds (eating 'disorders') can have all the friends in the world, but if those friends dont realise their problem, they are incredibly lonely and feel the weight of the world on their shoulders because they cant talk to anyone about it (they should join this message board) so let her know that youve noticed and that youre there to help. above all else do NOT try to force her to eat because it will probably make her bulimic and that is something you defeinitely dont want to happen...neither does she (well, no one wants it to start, but once you do, it is sooooooooooooo hard to stop, its sadisticly seductive) if she doesnt feel comfortable talking to you, im not sure if this will happen or not as all ppl react differently to different ppl, so it depends on your relationship really...you might be too close to her and she might get embarassed or you might be able to talk about anything...i dunno, but if it does happen that she cant talk to you, suggest she joins a message board, coz this one helped me soooo much, i like being able to talk freely but being annonymous at the same time...it depends on her personality...if she finds it easy to talk about feelings normally, shell probably talk to you, if (like me) she doesnt go in for all the hugs and kisses etc and talking about feelings all the time, then shell probably find this message board really useful.

hope i helped.

remember, do NOT force her to eat....one of my friends is anorexic...shes the only one who knows my secret....anyway one of my other friends tried to force her to eat and ended up making things so much worse coz now she purges sometimes too (shes the opposite to me - anorexic but bulimic every now and then and im anorexic in the day time, and bulimic at night time basically)

good luck

let me know how it goes

lauren
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 4:52pm
Hi there, I just want to start off by saying that Kristina and Lauren have some awesome suggestions, but i also wanted to give you my experience. Like a lot of the girls here, I have both anorexia and bulimia (i'll binge a day and then starve myself for 5). I also have a little drug problem, but they are all intertwined.

last month, 4 of my best friends in the world thought by writing me emails that were laced with anger and judgement that would make me seek help. As much as i know that these girls did this out of love for me, my ED made me so angry that i fell into even worse behavior. they tried to tell me all the physical consequences, and i know all that already. i didn't want to give in to them telling me what to do. now, i don't talk to any of them, and i'm not sure i ever will. and JUST like lauren said, when nobody notices what you are doing to yourself, you feel like nobody cares. i lost 20 lbs in two months and nobody said anything to me, it made me feel so worthless that i lost even more weight...and on and on and on. she is lucky to have a friend like you that sees what she is going through.

please remember that she is not really doing this to herself, it may seem that way, but it's a lot harder to stop than just stopping. and, it's not about food. i promise you that...it's about something much deeper that manifested itself this way. but talk to her...tell her you will not make her do anything, but that you really want to hear about what is going on. just talking about it always helps. good luck.

cadey

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