Can I blame him?-kind of long,trigs?
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Can I blame him?-kind of long,trigs?
| Tue, 10-28-2003 - 10:15am |
I'm so sad right now I just don't know where to start. I moved in with my bf about two months ago and before that he was aware that I have an ED, but I told him I really don't do it anymore. I know I lied but I wasn't sure how he would take it so I was trying to let him in on everything in pieces as opposed to just dropping the bomb. He seemed to take it well, though a little confused. About a week ago I decided to tell him I was binging/purging full time because it is starting to happen again on a regular basis - though I can't figure out why. Well, at first he told me that he thought I was psycho and he didn't understand how anybody could do that to themselves. I started crying and left the room and he came in a few minutes later and said he was sorry, he just didn't know how to process everything and he lost his temper. He said he would try to help me out, I just needed to tell him how. Then last Friday we were at dinner and he was playing with my hands. I have calluses on my knuckles and he asked what they were from. When I told him he got angry and told me it was crap. He said I could stop doing it anytime I wanted to and I just have an ED because I want attention. I was so mad and upset with him I couldn't even respond and we haven't really discussed it since then. He didn't say he was sorry this time and hasn't brought it up. I can't stop thinking about what he said now and it has made things worse. I actually vomited every meal I ate on Sunday. I guess I am wondering if anyone else has had a loved one respond in a similar manner and how did you get past it? Is it something I should leave alone and not discuss with him anymore or should I try to make him understand that it is something deeper than what he sees it as? I'm pretty sure it isn't about getting attention. I feel like I get plenty of it from my friends and family. Not just that but it isn't as if I go around telling everyone that I have an ED and asking them to feel sorry for me. I only told him because he is such a big part of my life and I love him. I want and need him to be there for support, especially since we live together and it helps to have someone that knows or at least understands what I am going through. I guess I could use some suggestions on how to help him understand, aside from going online because I know he won't do that. Or, is it possibly just something I shouldn't bring up anymore. Getting "reprimanded" for my ED is worse than just not talking about it at all I think.
Sorry this is so long, I guess I just needed to get this out. Also I have one more question (sorry!!) but I am kind of concerned about something that has been happening lately. Sometimes when I get done with a meal, even if I just eat enough to be full, my stomach starts to turn and I vomit part of my meal. I don't make myself do this, it just comes up out of nowhere with very little warning. Does anyone else ever experience this? Anyway, thanks for reading this. Sorry it is so long!!! Hope you are all having great days :)
Sorry this is so long, I guess I just needed to get this out. Also I have one more question (sorry!!) but I am kind of concerned about something that has been happening lately. Sometimes when I get done with a meal, even if I just eat enough to be full, my stomach starts to turn and I vomit part of my meal. I don't make myself do this, it just comes up out of nowhere with very little warning. Does anyone else ever experience this? Anyway, thanks for reading this. Sorry it is so long!!! Hope you are all having great days :)
-Roxy

Hi Roxy - glad you decided to share with us rather than hold it all in. Please don't apologize for a long post. The board is here for you to vent, cry, share, etc., whether it's a little bit or a lot.
You said you are purging full-time again and don't know why. It could very well be that it is due to moving in with your boyfriend. Changes are hard for us, even when they are good changes. When I got married and we then moved in together, I was so excited. I couldn't wait to start my life together with my husband, but that doesn't mean it didn't effect my ED at all. And as you probably know, EDs are just a way to cover up something else we don't want to deal with. The fact that you were purging some times before you moved in with your BF tells me that you had unresolved issues. And unless you work on them with a therapist or some ED group, they will not resolve themselves. It is not until we deal with our deepest, hidden emotions (hurt, fear, resentment, etc.) that ED will not be a part of us anymore.
Part of me is angry with your BF for the things he has said, but I also know that people just don't understand. And it is true that an Ed is a way of getting attention. I am not saying that you are actively looking for pity or anything, but in a way and ED is a cry for help. However, he is incorrect in saying that you could just stop. If it were that easy then none of us would be here.
I personally believe in total honesty in a relationship and don't think avoiding the issue will serve any purpose at
Love & hugs, Kristina
I used to be on this board all the time, years ago, but something told me to come here today.
Though I wasn't bulemic, I am/was anorexic...I know what you are going through with the boyfriend. Though I wasn't living with mine at the time I was going through it. It seemed at first he was supportive, but then when it surfaced again when the evidence was staring him in the face, he got angry with me and never talked about it again. The only response was a sigh, roll of the eyes, and a brush off like I was a moron because of the ED. It's hard I know. I can feel your pain, confusion and frustration. No, I am not with him anymore, and I am not encouraging you to do the same here.
There are certain people (friends and some family) that you can lean on with an ED and I know you know that, and figuring out who they are is hard. I'm afraid that it's going to push you two farther apart. When you are together, populate your mind with memories and thoughts and wants for the future with him.
If it comes up again, he will be bitter and that's something you don't want. Please hang in there and know that you are not alone with this one! Feeling alone with an ED is the main emotion, but feeling alone with the person you love because of the ED is another.
Please be good to yourself, and let things smooth over. He wants to pretend it never happened. So, maybe that's something you should respect and act upon. I am praying for you.