It hurts so bad

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2003
It hurts so bad
6
Fri, 10-31-2003 - 12:22pm
Hi..Ive only really posted here once before always a lurker...I have an ed for 20 years im 36..and its really controling me...sooooooo for the first time im in cousuling I went on Wed...wow its going to be hard...because ive never delt with about 1,000 issues..My question is it "normal" for my eating disorder to get out of control when you first start counseling?..i mean i went on wed and was fine until thursday then i was so upset and focused on making sure nothing enters me..and im working out like crazy..Im so scared of couseling is that okay?...i tend to babble so i will stop for now and go get my kids trick or treating outfits ready...thanks for listening and thanks to those who reply...Debbie
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Fri, 10-31-2003 - 12:46pm
Hi, Sweet,

You know, it's interesting that you posted about therapy aggravating the ED, because I was just talking about that very thing with my psychiatrist. I've been in treatment now for 1 year, 8 months...and almost immediately after starting therapy, I gained 70 lbs. Sorry - I hope that doesn't freak you out...just wanted to share my experience.

I think this happened for several reasons. First, I pretty much expected my psychiatrist to wave her magic wand and cure me, so I stopped trying to regulate my weight much myself. And secondly, I think that therapy just stirs up a lot of issues that are very difficult to deal with. One interesting thing I've learned in my psych classes at university is that we only have a certain amount of "energy" for regulating ourselves. So, if you use up some of that energy on dealing with issues brought up in therapy, then you have less energy left over to control your eating disorder.

But, the good news is that eventually, once you work through the issues, they'll be gone, and you'll be able to devote yourself 100% to working on the ED. And with the issues gone, you'll be much more focused and be able to address the ED clearly...without all the "baggage" we have now.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I hope you have a good weekend. Take care -

Grace

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 10-31-2003 - 2:47pm

Hi Debbie,


I do believe that when you start recovery, whether it's with a therapist, a group, or otherwise, your ED will still act up at times and even flare up worse than before on occasion. This makes sense because you have spent 20 years of your life using ED to deal with life and emotions. Suddenly you are faced with issues that you don't really want to think about or deal with and your natural repsonse is to turn to ED.


Please don't let that scare you

Love & hugs, Kristina

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Sat, 11-01-2003 - 2:32am
Hi honey, i'm sorry that you are sad. I just wanted to post and say hi, and that i have an experience to share as well. i guess i'm a newbie, i don't know what it is like to have suffered from this damn ED for so long, it's been a year and a half since it got pretty bad for me. i was doing ok last year, i had quit taking diet pills and started feeling more normal about my weight/life/etc., and so i thought it would be smart to tell my boyfriend at the time about my issues. well, as soon as it came out, i regretted it, and since then have starved myself and lost another 15 lbs (20 on a good day). it was like as soon as i admitted to being sick to him, i felt like i had to show him how awful it was. like i wasn't making it up. it just got worse and worse. however, i did also just begin therapy a few weeks ago, and i was so f'ing scared to go the first time that i sat in my car and bawled like a baby before i went. and yes, i'm doing not so well in the ED fight right now, but going to therapy helps ease the crazy obsessive thoughts (and so does zoloft haha). i think that it's a good step for you. it comes in waves, this ED, sometimes you wouldn't think he was there at all...and then he reminds you and it starts all over again. well, i'm rambling...good luck in your fight. Be strong!!!!

Cadey

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2003
Tue, 11-04-2003 - 12:49pm
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERY WORD...I WILL GET THRU THIS I GUESS I THOUGHT I WOULD BE EASY...I HATE THE WAY I FEEL AND LOOK...I HAVE A QUICK QUESTION..HAVE YOU OR ANYBODY WITH A ED EVER FEEL GUILTY? I MEAN I HAVE FRIENDS THAT ARE OVER WEIGHT OR "NORMAL" AND THE SAY IM THIN OR TO THIN...I FEEL GUILTY FOR THINKING THAT IM FAT...I MEAN EVERYDAY I LOOK AT MY SELF AND SCREAM...I MEAN...WHEN I WAS OVER WEIGHT I WOULD HAVE KILLED TO FIT INTO A SIZE 6 NOW I FEEL SO UGLY...I MEAN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND I DONT FEEL SEXY...ITS SO KILLING OUR SEX LIFE..MY HUSBAND SAYS THAT BEFORE I STARTED TO LOOSE WEIGHT I ALWAYS HAD A SMILE AND I WAS FUN..NOW EVERYTHING IS CALORIES OR THE GYM OR I'M ALWAYS SAYING HOW FAT I AM...IM SORRY I VENTED AGAIN....DEBBIE
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 11-04-2003 - 2:15pm

Hi Debbie,


Yup, I used to feel guilty and still do at times. It's just another one of our character defects, but even that will get better after a while. Just keep fighting and don't give up. There will be some rough spots but you can make it through those.

Love & hugs, Kristina


Love & hugs, Kristina

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Tue, 11-04-2003 - 2:51pm

It is normal for our eating disorder to escalate sometimes before we get recovery.