Thoughts, poem, kinda. *T*?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2003
Thoughts, poem, kinda. *T*?
4
Fri, 11-07-2003 - 3:32pm
Hello Mirror,

How are you today?

Are you in a good mood, or feeling ugly?

For several months I started to ask how you feel, the life of a mirror, that need's glasses, or maybe a hug?

I get up each day, I do my ritual, toilet, no drop of fluid or food shall pass my mouth, I take my night shirt off, I am naked.

I cringe as my night shirt comes off, I am naked, laid bare to you. My weakness displayed to you. My pain, my whole life.

I stand on the golden scale of life, my total life.My total obsession.

The numbers change, they go up, they go down, I breathe in, I breath out.

I then look at the final flashing number, I look up right in your face.

I am looking at myself, I am looking at the true form of myself, no baggy clothes hiding my pain, my weakness infront of me and you.

I am weak.

You have two choices, the number goes down, or stays the same, I breathe a sigh of relief, I have not gained more hurt overnight. I have not shown another pound of pain on my bones.

The number goes up, I swear at you, swear at myself. Curse myself for showing my weakness.

I put my big baggy night shirt on quick, I cover all my pain, all the soft skin, the firm muslce, and the wobbly fat. I cover all my pounds of pain.

I then go to bed and curse myself, and make sure I will be "good" today.

You haunt me mirror. Thr truth, and the pain, haunts me.

My weakness laid bare.

Oh mirror please go blind and deaf. Mirror stop being a mirror.

Shatter infront of my eyes, hide me from my weaknes.

Katie

x

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Fri, 11-07-2003 - 4:56pm
O MY GOSH, THAT WAS WRITTEN AS IF IT CAME OUT MY OWN MOUTH. I FELT EXACTLY THE SAME AND I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE READ MY POEMS BEFORE BUT I HAVE PASTED 3 AS THEY TALK ABOUT THE EXACT THINGS YOU HAVE........HOPE YOU CAN READ THEM AND SEE YOUR THOUGHTS ARE NOT ALONE.

LOTS OF LOVE

ALLY XXXX

DREAMING 25TH SEP 02

Gazing into the mirror, I see a different me,

Apparently I don't see myself the way that I should be,

I can't accept the fact that I am really made this way,

No matter what I think and feel it still will rule my day.

The mirror seems to add and add,

Yet not content till I am sad,

I worry and dwell on simple matters,

Seeing myself get fatter and fatter.

The silhouette of once a happy girl,

Right in the background giving a twirl,

Is it possible to get her back,

Into the body which is right on track?.

Replace the shadow with some brighter rays of hope,

Pick up the pieces, just help me to cope,

Take all the pain and the bad thoughts away,

Just help me get through my life day by day.


MY FRIEND YET MY ENEMY

So close yet so distant,

You make me happy but often sad,

Changing my moods as if you were incharge,

Why did we start, am I mad?



I've been with you for years,

Relying on you for support,

You often let me down and I feel betrayed,

You should be constant and not tempremental.



Maybe if we were separated,

Life would improve,

I need and must be relieved of you,

But I really don't know how too!



So, my friend, lets part company,

You stay away and I'll get on,

Help me improve and regain my life

Set.............Me.............Free.........



Oh! My friends name is "SCALES"

You see, sometimes he is a friend

yet sometimes my enemy but.....

more often am I sad than happy!

MY MAGNET

As I come towards you everyday,

You pull me near in every way,

Clinging to my life you "take my hand",

Until on you I firmly stand.



Just one small step I take at a time,

On to you I slowly climb,

Open eyes I watch the figures,

What today will you deliver?



Will it be gladness,

Or will it be sadness,

Sheer disgust at the slightest gain,

So, once again-the thoughts will remain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 11-07-2003 - 10:14pm
I sware that is me talking, you two hit the nail on the head.

My feelings are, I look in the mirror, I pinch and squeeze, tuck and push trying to make my body perfect. I flex my muscles and think I need to exercise more and eat less to get rid of the flab. I analyze every inch of my body and still find so much to make better. I quickly dress too and then I look at what I have taken so long to pick out to wear and think I look so fat. I change my clothes and again, I think I am fat. Every mirror I walk by I stop and pick myself apart and tell myself that I am so fat. I too wish the mirror would break and the scales would disappear, but I know that won't happen. I stand in front of the mirror believing all the horrible things that the evil voice in my head tells me. It is a constant everyday battle and I am so sick of it!!! Thanks for the great words of your feelings, they help me know that I am so not alone! Love, Sharon

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sat, 11-08-2003 - 2:54am
To both of you...............you will get there. I am making positive steps and no it isn't easy to see my body getting bigger and gaining weight but I AM NOT WEIGHING AS MUCH. I am trying not to worry like I did but enjoy life.......forget about the 1/3 of my life that I spent worrying about something I couldn't possibly change................

Please keep in touch and know I am here for you both....and the rest on the board,Luv Ally xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Tue, 11-11-2003 - 9:51am

Thanks for sharing your poem.