Is it ok to be vulnerable for a minute?
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| Tue, 11-11-2003 - 9:57am |
Today I am feeling really tired. I feel kind of yucky this morning. I visited my brother this weekend. I was totally off my meal plan. He had very little food which should be a good thing. But now that I am in recovery. When I don't stay on the plan I have a tendency to want to just eat, eat and eat. The Doctor says it's because of thehypoglycemia, he thinks I developed as a result of bulimia. He says when you don't eat it causes you to want to binge he is right at least for me now.
But now I feel so yucky, fat, bloated etc. you all know how we feel at times. I am in recovery I will stay in recovery. But why do I still feel so bad at times. It's ok to Eat. We don't have to be supermodels. I know that, I know I am not heavy. Does anyone else in recovery feel this way?
I will continue to walk to walk and take one day at a time. Just needed to vent.
Thanks, Sue

Hi Sue,
It's me Michelle, (the one with hypoglycemia and arrhythmia probably from ed). Yesterday I decided it was time to find help, and have an appointment Dec 1st. So soon I can officially say I am on the road to recovery. Although I have been on and off that road many times, for over 20 years now... this will be the first time being counseled specifically for that reason.
When you said you feel fat and you know you're not heavy, I can relate to that. My roommate/boyfriend told me I need help and I am not healthy.... my doctor gave me a referral number for ed counseling last week~ and my appointment was re: a knee injury, ed wasn't even mentioned! I look in the mirror at times and think "if I could stay this size and get in better shape, everything will be okay"
Sorry, rambling...
It is okay to eat! With the hypoglycemia, as you know, we are supposed to munch every few hours, and it is okay.
Venting is good, so vent when you need to.
Hi Sue,
Of course it is ok to be vulnerable. That's what the board is here for. I think you still feel bad because that's what you are used to and I sometimes still do it, too.
Love & hugs, Kristina
To say what we feel is not being vulnerable, nor is it being weak, I cannot believe I have just typed that to be honest!
In therapy today, which I go to each week at the psych hospital, as I am just outpatient now, he said I am not weak expressing my true self, I am speaking out and trying to be human, I have a right to be me, to say what I feel and think.
I wish I could accept what he said, I am trying.
But being honest, does not mean your weak and vulnerable, it means your being YOU.
The human right charter says EVERY person in this world, has a right to food, home, warmth, respect and dignity. EVERY person is entitled to an opinion, everyone is allowed by right to be themselves. So many of us don't seem to accept that really do we?
Strange I guess.
I give you praise at following a healthy food chart, trying to eat well and not have it rule your life, in a way I would feel so much better following a chart.
My day is ruled by eating so much by this time, and that time, must have this much by bed time, a little in bed, can't go over this and that...
If I was given a chart to follow, to know it was healthy and it would not damage me, I would do it, well I would really try to anyway!
It's like we need a pattern, we all have routine, ED or not, "normal" people have routines. If we could only just follow a routine we feel relaxed in, like the routines we do anyway, (but a good routine, not an ED routine).
I dunno, just ranting.
Hang in there,
Kate
x