The 2 words you don't want to hear (T)
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 11-18-2003 - 1:56pm |
"You're Crazy"
Just joking is one thing but when someone says it to you and they really mean it, it's just not right.
My roommate and I have lived together almost 13 years, so I figured I could tell him anything... I figured wrong.
I briefly mentioned to him that I have an eating disorder when he kept asking me about my weight and why I didn't want to gain any. He always tells me I am too thin.... that is like telling an alcoholic they are drunk. Men (not all men, but many) distort our views even worse. He tells me to gain weight and get healthy, but then he sees women on tv and points out how fat they are. He thinks Britney Spears is fat.... but he wants me to gain weight and be healthy??? Last night he was in one of his moods and looked right at me and said "You're crazy" re: anorexia. (okay, let me get this straight, he thinks Britney Spears is fat, but I am the crazy one?)
I needed to vent... I feel so alone. I have an appointment for counseling Dec. 1st, but it seems so far away... and he also rubs in how crazy I am for needing a counselor. Sigh

Hugs,
Michelle

I totally understand how difficult it is to hear someone you care about tell you that you are crazy. It's hard enough dealing with your ED beating you up--but your roommate using it as ammunition against you is absolutely wrong. However, I can also say from experience with my husband, that it is difficult for a person without an ED to understand and empathize with someone who has one. Things are said without understanding how our minds work and how hard we are on ourselves. I am working on not taking things so personally, but also speaking up when I am hurt by something that is said to me.
Going to see a therapist is such a HUGE step and him berating you for it is not only mean, but very unhealthy, and he needs to know that. Furthermore, you should also communicate (if you have not already) that the comments he makes about women are unhealthy and that you would prefer it if he kept those types of things to himself. Brittney Spears is by no means fat (although I think she should put on more clothes :) and yes, he is CRAZY if he truly believes that. My husband has realized how commenting (positively or negatively) on women's bodies affects me, and has tried to be more conscious of his comments.
Finally, if your roommate is an important part of your life, then I would suggest that he be a part of your therapy or attend some help meetings. It might help him understand the mental aspects of this disease. He would know that it had nothing to do with you being too thin, but about dealing with your emotions. Good luck at the therapist!!!
Jennifer
Hi Michelle,
I totally, totally agree with Jennifer. And I am sorry you are not getting support from the person you really need it from. As for seeing a therapist, you are WAY ahead of your partner because he sounds like HE needs therapy but he isn't even aware of it.
Sorry, it makes me angry when men are so insensitive to what's going on with us. I am glad you came to vent and hope you will continue to do so. Hang in there and before you know it your appt. will be here.
Love & hugs, Kristina
Love & hugs, Kristina