help-my own way
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help-my own way
| Mon, 12-01-2003 - 7:50pm |
okay, so i'm having super big deals with eating. basically, i'm not. but my parents force dinner on me. i don't eat all day, and then i'm force fed dinner. and even that dinner isn't very much, like tonight, i had one egg, half a piece of toast and a cup of salad, and half a glass of milk. that was forced on me. i know my eating habits aren't healthy, but what i hate most is my parents trying to control me. i'm 20 years old!! i want to do things my way. i want to get help my way. and when i'm ready. i don't want this force feeding stuff, and i hate them monitoring what i eat everyday, and they always look at me and tell me how gaunt and anemic i look. everyone else says i've never looked better. and that's the way i feel too. i don't feel out of control. but i know what i'm doing isn't healthy. i'm only doing this for a while to lose a few pounds and then that's it. i wish my parents would just butt out of my eating habits. *sigh* okay, thanks for letting me vent. ~lauren

I just have this to say: you are so lucky to have parents who care about you so much that they'll suffer through forcing you to eat...they LOVE you...maybe the way they are going about it MAY not be the best- maybe it's the only way though- but you have to see past that - your own frustration and theirs- to the bare fact that they are trying to help you - save you. I knew a young woman whose parents weren't there for her like yours...without support, without other voices counter-acting what she told herself, the anorexia took over, took control, like it always does when you fight so hard to assert your destructive will over your own body - against the will of others. She died. You don't have to make this a battle of wills...TALK to your parents - they won't butt out and believe me you don't want parents who will leave you alone while you self-destruct...take your parents and yourself to a counsellor...and you MUST EAT...and yes, you probably don't feel out of control - I was in such COMPLETE exquisite control over everything in my life when I was suffering from an ED - that's part of its allure...but it's an illusory control...it's a sick, destructive control...
Hi Lauren,
I can see where that's frustrating and I am sorry that your parents are trying to help you in a manner that seems counterproductive. Keep in mind that they must be horribly worried and just don't know HOW to help. If you go to www.somethingfishy.org there are hints for the family and friends of people suffering from and ED. Maybe you could point your parents to it or look at it together.
I hope things get better for you and that you and your parents can come up with a better plan for your recovery. Let us know how it goes.
Love & hugs, Kristina
The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.
Love & hugs, Kristina