not doing well - going down, down, down

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
not doing well - going down, down, down
2
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 6:45pm
i can't get anything together. i just told my psychiatrist a major triggering thing in my life in my appointment today. but i somehow regret it. i know it will do me good. i keep starving myself and my weight is going down down down. my psychiatrist even says i look gaunt and anemic... my parents say i look awful. but all my friends say i've never looked better. so i still want to lose more.... i'm so confused. i'm just not doing well..... ~Lauren
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 8:01pm
Lauren,

It's horrible I know. I can only say that I understand, I really do.

My therapist made a comment about my wieght a week or so ago, if I got any 'thinner' my thinking may be unrational, and I have to consider this when I talk to him each week, as my wieght has dropped so quickly, X sizes in 4 months.

When you talk about something so close to home, it hurts, it really really hurts, and you can't cope, so you do what you know best, and have more 'good food days'.

People say stop, you are looking thin now, please stop, you look great, please just stop, but it just feels like they are saying stop, I want to see you stay fat, well in my mind anyway, it's crazy I know, but it's how I work, my screwed up head.

Just hang in there, and try to eat little portions and often, it will help you to think more rationaly and concentrate, (also keeps your metabolism boosted too).

Best of luck Lauren, I know it's hard, hang in there.

Katie

x


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 12-05-2003 - 10:11am

Hi Lauren,


I am glad you came here and shared how you are feeling. Recovery can be a tough road to walk, but it CAN and WILL get better and easier. Sometimes we take a few steps back or we move forward and it just doesn't feel good because it's all so unfamiliar. But please don't give up. From someone who has been there and gone through it, I can only tell you that it's much better on this side. I am not even fully recovered (still count calories), but I wouldn't go back to how I used to live for anything...even to be thinner!


Keep opening up to your psychiatrist because honesty is what will get you closer to being healthy. And don't hear me saying you will be fat. People with EDs tend to equate being healthy to being fat and that is

Love & hugs, Kristina