Just saying Hi, I'm still here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2003
Just saying Hi, I'm still here.
3
Sat, 12-06-2003 - 3:17pm
Message removed. (I hope)

K

x


Edited 12/7/2003 12:57:07 PM ET by mookatie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2003
Sat, 12-06-2003 - 7:05pm
Hi Katie,

well I am sorry to hear that you don't feel deserving and that you don't feel worthwhile. Just by extending words of support to those of us on this board, that shows you are a compassionate, thinking, living, feeling, wonderful human being. Where are you Katie? No, not the Katie who believes she isn't human, the REAL Katie? Where are you? What are you hiding from sweetie? I know she is in there. I know you can hear her some times. She speaks to you in the dead of night, and perhaps in your dreams. She speaks to you out of the blue, or when you are feeling most blue. Listen... You have to listen so very closely to hear her. She can only whisper now, but I believe one day she will shout. She will shout for joy, for triumph, for reason, for justice, for LIFE. She is 'The Actual Katie'. Tattered and tired from being pulled in so many directions. She screams to be heard and to be loved, because she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is BEAUTIFUL, inside and out. She is strong, passionate, smart, witty, and just plain darn HAPPY to be alive. She glows with life. She nourishes her body with healthy food from God's green earth, and she feeds her soul with things that make her happy and with kind loving words. She cares not for what others think of her, for she knows that they do not define who she is, she defines who she is. She has all the power to accomplish whatever she chooses in her life, she is ENOUGH. She has only to aspire to her own dreams, only to fulfill her fantasies. She has boundaries, she is vibrant. Can you hear her oh terrible voice inside Katie's head as well? Can you hear her as you scream things like 'You don't deserve to eat!' 'You need to hurt yourself.' 'You are not good enough and you never will be. You are nothing!!!' That evil voice that shouts so load, drowning out your true thoughts and feelings. That evil voice is just your negative mind Katie, it is NOT the actual you. Somehow it just got louder than the real you inside your head. Well, I know you are a fighter Katie. You are a survivor, you are a thriver, your heart, your mind, your soul...they are NOT broken, bruised perhaps, but you are NEVER broken. Just make the choice to stifle that negative voice, and soon your soul will come shining through. Everything will fall into place. Decisions will be easy for you to make. Your compasss will be working properly again and instead of it leading you to self-destruction, it will lead you to the road of happiness and to self-preservation. And yes, a perilous journey it may be, but well worth it and well within your grasp. Soon the whisper will be the booming voice, echoing from the hilltops "I am KATIE. And I love me!!!" Please read these words and take them to heart. I know the real Katie is in there, grasping for life, and she refuses to let go. Katie, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I know you can be happy...it may seem inpossible to get out of your self-imposed prison on numbers, food, worry, despair and hell, but you can break free. I know you can. I know you will. Keep the faith alive. Focus on the positive; don't beat your self up too much.

With love,

~Janine in the States (California)~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2003
Sat, 12-06-2003 - 8:21pm
You say you dont want anyones pity, but then you tell us all how u are sad all the time, crying, your not a human....How are we supppose to not feel pity and sorrow for you. We are all human, as you are too. To me it seems like u are crying for our pity. I would reccommend talking to someone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 12-06-2003 - 11:04pm

Hi Katie,


I don't have pity or sympathy for you, but I can empathize just like I can with everybody else on this board. Your messages seem to be cries for help and attention, more so attention, which is not unusual for people with EDs. We try so hard to go unnoticed yet inside we are crying to be seen, heard, touched, and loved. And you are worth being seen, being touched, being heard, and being loved. God loves you and wants you to feel good. He wants you to see yourself the way he sees you - a beautiful child, inside and out, of Him. And I love you and care about you. I don't want to just hear that you are still alive, I am hoping that one day you will post and say, "I am having a great day". Not because it would make me happy, but because I want YOU to now true happiness and freedom.


Keep fighting, keep posting, keep seeing your therapist. God has a plan for all of us and that includes you.

Love & hugs, Kristina


The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.

Love & hugs, Kristina