xmas support needed! (trigs?)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
xmas support needed! (trigs?)
5
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 10:18am
i just started treatment at an eating disorder clinic, seeing a therapist and nutritionist. i don't have any appointments until the end of next week and i need some help getting me through the holiday weekend! i'm 22 and my live-in boyfriend and i will be visiting my parents and 18 y/o brother at their house 250 miles away from us. they all know i've been in this treatment and i've asked them not to discuss food with me and they're ok with it... or so i thought. my brother came to stay with us this weekend at my house, and absolutely did not eat a single morsel of food. ok, he had 3 of those tiny doughnuts and said it filled him up. he screamed at me (literally) for using "too much" margarine on an english muffin. i can't even explain to him that that's the only way i'm going to eat it. i told my parents he didn't eat anything while he was here and about the yelling, but my dad said he was just looking for something to bust my chops about. i REALLY don't want to be around him. my family is really where all of my food weirdness stems from. when my brother left, my boyfriend said, "see how he is? that's how you were and that's why it was driving my crazy." my brother and i have talked about how weird my parents are about food and how food was approached when we were younger. i've worked so hard at changing my habits, but he hasn't done anything for himself. thank god my boyfriend will be with me while i'm with my family. he's been so supportive through all of this stuff i've been going through.

anyone else worried about the holidays?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 11:51am

Hi Sweetie,


Welcome to the board and thanks for sharing with us. Bless your heart, I know how difficult the holidays can be especially when they are complicated by other family members. It sounds like you are doing great with your recovery and you need to protect that. Is there any way for you NOT to go see your family? I know that sounds harsh, but sometimes in recovery we have to think of ourselves first.


If that's not an option, then I would come up with some ways for you to stay on track. Discuss them with your boyfriend so he can help you and support you. Try to journal or bring things you can work on that you enjoy like crossword puzzles, regular puzzles, a journal, etc. What ever you like and enjoy doing.


Write down what your triggers are like specific foods, your family's behaviours, etc. and determine ahead of time how to conquer them. And remember that food is just nourishment for the body. Try to look at it as that and when you eat, say that you are eating for nourishment. Sometimes that helps me when I am eating for emotional reasons. It's kind of like

Love & hugs, Kristina

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 3:21pm
thank you, Kristina, you're wonderful! i am planning on bringing my puzzle books that I use to decrease my stress, and i also will have my laptop. my boyfriend knows that i'm already working myself up about the situation. all of the presents i am going to give out are already at my parents' house, so there's no way i can really not go... we can leave whenever i want to, though. i'm a little frustrated at this moment, however, because i asked my mom to please buy me some margarine from her grocery store so i wouldn't have to worry about a cooler taking up room in my tiny car (luggage for two and a dog crate in a VW) since we have a few stops to make before we get to their house. she said the grocery store was too mobbed for her to go in, "sorry." i feel like she should do more to help me. i went into a panic last time i was at their house when they only had this weird organic butter. i guess in the grand scheme of things, it's not that big of a deal, but i feel like i asked her for help and she should help me.

anyway, thank you again! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 4:13pm

I totally agree with you that your Mom could have gotten the margarine for you. I think sometimes people just don't get it, even if they know we are struggling with an ED. And how could they if they have never experienced the anxiety we experience over something like butter. I can totally relate to you but she may not be able to or recognize the importance of the issue. Or on the other hand, you did mention some weirdness around food growing up, she may have her own issues that she is not even aware of herself. Maybe she simply can't be there for you the way you want her to for what ever reasons. I know that's really hard and I do pray that your trip will be a positive and happy one.


I am glad you are taking care of yourself and I do encourage you to leave early if you need to. Also, if it's cold wherever you are going, take some warm clothes so you can go for walks if things get to be too much. Sometimes just getting out and walking, rather than driving somewhere, can work wonders.


Keep us posted!

Love & hugs, Kristina


The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.

Love & hugs, Kristina

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 9:03am
**food and bad behaviors mentioned**

well, it really didn't go very well. my brother took literally hours to eat a 6" sub sandwich, my grandmother was "grossed out" by the way i eat hard-boiled eggs (leave the yellow, eat the white?!), my dad made fun of me, and my mom doled out the food for everyone. the only one who was any help to me was my boyfriend, and even he couldn't stop me from slipping back into not caring about when or what i ate. i was alone yesterday while my boyfriend was at work and i'm waiting for the next semester of classes to start. i didn't eat lunch until 4. i was so angry with myself, but i felt no motivation to make myself something to eat. i had to force myself to go to burger king (yuck). after that i went to the grocery store so at least i had some variety to choose from when i do get some motivation back and i start forcing myself to eat again. my boyfriend and i discussed what is going on with me and then we went to our ED support group last night. i left disappointed that i wasn't able to say more about my lack of motivation and that i felt like i was slipping into my old habits. the group was more geared to a new woman with lots of questions. i do think my boyfriend helped another girl with an ED's boyfriend/husband by letting him know how he supports me and how well it's worked for us so far. i have therapy today which i am really happy about. hopefully, with some help, i can get myself snapped out of this funk i'm in. i'm so frustrated, but not hungry. ugh.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 5:55am

Hey Girl, I am sorry your Christmas was tough and probably disappointing. What a blessing that you had your bf with you and how cool that he goes to an ED support group with you. What kind of group is it?


As for slipping back into old habits, I think we have all done that during recovery. It kind of comes with the territory and the trick (and hard part) is to leave it in the past and just keep fighting it. Try not to beat yourself up and do what you know is right.


How are you feeling today?

Love & hugs, Kristina


The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.

Love & hugs, Kristina