Child Refuses To Eat
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Child Refuses To Eat
| Fri, 12-26-2003 - 12:48am |
Since she was old enough to feed herself, my sister's daughter has basically refused to eat. She eats only certain foods that she likes--and only enough to barely keep her functioning. She is not attractive thin--she is painfully thin. Her legs are like sticks. She's been looked at by doctors--who have found no physical reason for her refusal to eat. She is constantly sick. One doctor was shocked at her weight and demanded that her parents stop allowing the child to play sports. The parents did that for a short time, but have given in and now allow her to play sports. The child was actually in a car seat until she was 6 years old, because of her weight. My sister had an alcoholic mother but has never sought therapy. Her husband's father was an alcoholic; no one there has sought therapy either. I know my sister and her husband have tried a lot of things to try and get the child to eat--but she argues, fights, or simply leaves the table.Has anyone heard of a child refusing to eat over time? What might cause this sort of behavior? I feel powerless to help in this situation. Help.

Hi,
I am sorry your sister's daughter is struggling. This must be very scary for all of you and I am glad you are trying to help. Anorexics will refuse to eat so that could definitely be the reason, but it doesn't have to be. It's actually rather difficult to say. However, since you have been to doctor's to check her physical condition, maybe it's time to find a good therapist who can check her emotional state. Sometimes kids hold on to stuff that we are not aware of and then turn to eating or starvation in order to deal with it.
Do you mind sharing how old your niece is now? I gathered that she is at least 6, so she is at an age where she would be able to talk about emotions, etc. Does she have any friends? What do they look like? Peer (sp?) pressue is always an issue with kids and it seems to be starting at a younger age all the time.
Here is a good website to check out that might have some helpful information: www.somethingfishy.org. It might be good for the parents to look at it, too.
I hope this helps. Please come back and post any time you want to vent or have questions. Some of the women here have kids so you might get a better answer - just keep checking back.
Love & hugs, Kristina
The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.
Love & hugs, Kristina
She and her husband went for a few sessions of marriage counseling--but what she described was a "patch" (short term cognitive therapy--not in-depth individual counseling). I'm sure she is very adamently against having any sort of family counseling. It's possible that she might consider getting her girl into individual counseling at some point--especially if there's some sort of trigger. I think my sister can more easily concede that the child is the "identified patient," rather than admit there might be any sort of family system thing going on.
The child is 10. She was actually born a very healthy weight. But as soon as she was taught to feed herself, her weight dropped dramatically... and has stayed very low ever since. Honestly, even her mother has admitted that "she looks like a Holocaust victim."
I have met the child's friends--they are all a very normal weight. A couple of slightly skinnier types, and some overweight ones. Her two closest friends (at least the two that I met at her party) were very normal weight. There was a lot of competitiveness at the party--but even more so between mother and daughter (they actually fought over a microphone that was being used to direct the other party goers in a game). That scared me. I actually excused myself and went inside so I didn't have to watch the struggle.
My aunt (who is in a 12-step program, just as I am) has observed some of this behavior, too--so I don't think I'm making it up. I just pray for them every day. The honest truth is that I cannot confront my sister. The last time I confronted her indirectly about some other issue about our family, she hung up on me and refused to talk to me for weeks. It was a very painful lesson. When I'm especially sad, I start to hope that some neighbor or child's parent will confront her and something will change. A doctor did confront her about her child's weight. They moved a few months later, though and they no longer see that doctor.
You can see what I'm up against, can't you? A number of people have suggested intervention, confrontation, etc... and for me, that's impossible right now. Yes, the child is constantly ill, yes, I'm very concerned, but her life isn't in danger and I can't pinpoint any abuse--so what can I do but be supportive of all concerned? I was hoping that some might have an idea about what this is called (anorexic? refusal to thrive?) and if there are other cases. I will check out the website you linked.
I do want to thank you for your kind support. It's nice to know I'm not crazy!
Wow, thank you for sharing more. This must be so hard for you. I can't totally relate to what you are going through, but the silent treatment has happened to me in my family and I know it's painful.
I am glad you sought out counseling and 12-step programs. I have been in 12 step programs myself and am looking for a good Christian based one right now. They are a great way to recovery and stay IN recovery.
Anyway, it's ok that you are not ready to face intervention or a confrontation. Maybe one day you will be or like you said, maybe somebody else will do it. I hope things will turn out for the best and that your niece will be ok. Anorexia is a horrible thing to be going through, especially if she has nobody to confide in. If you are close to your niece, you could point her to that website I mentioned. Maybe even tell her that you are concerned, that you think she might suffer from anorexia, and that you are there for her if she ever wants to talk. Don't pressure her, just let her know you love her, care about her, and are there for her.
Love & hugs, Kristina
The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.
Love & hugs, Kristina