Worried about older family member

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2003
Worried about older family member
1
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 4:49pm


Hey everyone, I am new to this board. I have a question about a family member of mine.

My aunt is a grown woman with 3 kids and a husband. About 3 years ago when she had her last kid, she started to loses a bunch of weight. Which wasn't bad, because she was about 80 pounds over weight from her pregnancies. So we were all proud of her and cheered her on. Then after she got down to a good weight she went and had a boob job. She wanted all eyes on her. But then after she got her boob job her weight went back up because she had to stop exorcizing completely for a very long time.

But then when she got the all clear from her doctor she realized how hard it was for her to exercise with her new big boobs. But some how she started to loose weight. About 2 years later when we went to her house (she live out of state, so we only see her about 5 times a year) she got her weight down again but I noticed her sneaky behavior and kept an eye on her. She was the smallest she has ever been but she look like cr*p. She had aged 5 years in about a 1.5 years. Her hair looked horrible and she was constantly having stomach problems.

I didn't think she was Anorexic or Bulimic because she was still eating and wasn't going to the bathroom after she ate. And also I dealt with an eating disorder a while back and knew what to look for and she wasn't showing any signs that she had an ED.

But then while I was up there i stumbled on something. She had tons of empty box’s of laxatives and these water pills. The water pill I think where for taking off water weight like before your period. But she was taking 2 to 3 a day. Now I know her disorder doesn’t revolve around food per say i.e. not eating any or purging, but she is having issues. I don't know if you would call this an ED or if there is a better name for it, but what ever it is it’s a problem. The laxative explains the problems with her stomach and the water pills explain why she is always thirsty.

I went back home and told my mom and she didn't believe me. She said the laxatives where to help her stomach. A year latter when she came down for X-mas and my mom saw how bad she looked she now believes me. My mom is her older sister by 9 years and you can't tell because my aunt has aged so much because of what she is doing to her body.

I told my mom she needs to talk to her and make her aware that we know what is going on. But my family hate conflict and my mom will never confront her. I know she needs help but what am I suppose to do. I think it would be a little embarrassing to confronted by her niece who is still in college. I think it would be better if my mom did it. (my mom's mom died when my aunt was 15 so my mom raised her. They have a very mother daughter like relationship, that is why I think it would be better) but she just says that it is her life and she shouldn't stick her nose into it.

I don't know what to do. I am really confused and worried about my 3 cousins. I am flying out tonight to go see her and I am so nervous to see what she looks like. I was wondering if anyone on this board has any info on this. Maybe I could print it out and just leave it at her house. Oh I don't know what to do. I don't even know if this is considered to be an ED. Some one please just help, tell me what you think I should do. Any advice would do! Thank you in advance!

Lost

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 5:23pm

Hi,


I am sorry about your aunt but I am glad that you are showing concern and want to help. If your Mom is not willing to talk to her, then maybe you should. You could point out to her what your fears are from a loving standpoint and make sure she understands you love her and are worried about her. Communicate to her that you are bringing it up out of love and concern.


A great source of info is www.somethingfishy.org. You might find help there in how to talk to your aunt and she will find many resources on how to overcome an eating disorder. Maybe you could even look at it together.


I hope all goes well with your trip and that something positive will come out of it. Please let us know how it goes.

Love & hugs, Kristina


The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.

Love & hugs, Kristina