Helping a friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2004
Helping a friend
3
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 11:13am
One of my best friends has struggled with Bulimia for years now. She is really making an effort to get healthier now, and together we have joined Weight Watchers. I am hoping that my support will help her to get on the right track. I know she has had some difficult days in the past three weeks, but not nearly as many as I usually see. I was wondering if anyone has experience with an organized eating plan as a way to recover from an eating disorder. Also, do you have any advice for me of ways that I can help her? She is not willing to seek professional help, so to be honest this was the best thing I could think of. Please help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 2:29pm
hi

i used to be bulimic (im now just anorexic) but the point is that i understand what your friend is going through; i dont think an organised eating schedule would be the best idea, wouldnt be for me personally; i would look at it one day, calculate the number of calories and i think youo can guess what next...spend an hour in the bathroom "showering" i think that your friend is very lucky to have you standing by her through this; i think your plan at the moment is ab fab; she still feels she is doing something about her weight by going to weight watchers, but her diet is healthy and she is purging less. i dont know if youu can do much more than you are doing; be there for her, support her, encourage her, l;isten to her...thats very important; to listen and let her know she can talk to you anytime, can phone you if she thinks she is about to do something silly etc. i think you are a great friend, as you cant get her to go to a professional, become her counsellor; ask a professional for advice and then you can try to do their job? if i went to a counsellor, i think i would just talk for hours about all my worries; let her talk to you about anything and everything, however big or small and sympathise and encourage her. you have no idea how much just venting all my feelings on this board has helped; if she doesnt feel able to talk to someone so close to her, tell her to come and vent at us; giving advice to others is also a great help...

all this advice is just what i wish was being done for me...we may not be the same, but it mite help

hope you and your friend are ok

if you need to vent your feelings, do...dont forget to look after yourself as well as caring for your friend...dont forget yourself

hope i woz of some help

good luck

Lauren x x x
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Sun, 02-08-2004 - 3:11am
Alright, nothing personal against Lauren, but I disagree on a couple of points.

First, structure. While I agree that a "diet" isn't a good thing for someone in recovery, I think there's a big difference between a structured eating plan and a restrictive diet. Awareness of portions, hunger, time of day, physicality, and emotional triggers are all important factors in re-implementing healthy eating. I think Lauren's right about "switching obsessions," and maybe that's been her own experience with overcoming bulimia. But I think that some of us just do better when we have a structured plan to follow. Your friend may find that WW isn't helping, but I wouldn't say it's a fundamentally bad idea to try.

That said, there is also a huge difference between "structured eating" and healthy eating. WW gives a lot of autonomy with food choices. Hopefully your friend will learn good nutrition and use that autonomy to heal her body with whole foods and not get stuck on the "diet" crap or fat-free emptiness.

Secondly, counseling. I really (really!) believe it's a bad idea for you to try to be her counselor. Counselors are not just people to "vent" to and recount your woes. In fact, a good counselor is someone who can recognize the errors in your thinking and help to set you straight. They are there to prod you along on the road to health, in addition to providing emotional and spiritual support without judgment. Granted, there are a whole lot of bad counselors in the world, but there's a reason counseling requires a degree and a license. Your friend needs you to be a friend, and it sounds like you are an outstanding one. It's probably tempting to want to overstep your role when you see her in possible danger, but know your boundaries. Hopefully she'll come around and see the necessity of some professional help.

Lauren is also right to remind you to take care of yourself. This is critical because not only can it be exhausting to stand by someone with an ED as they trudge their way out of it, but it's absolutely inspiring to the person with the ED to have someone model self-care. It sounds goofy, but I am just enthralled by women who know how to take care of themselves. It not only teaches me how to do the same for myself, but reminds me that I am allowed-- indeed, obligated!-- to take care of myself.

Anyway, you and your friend will be in my prayers.

Bon courage!

Starfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 02-08-2004 - 10:23am

Hi,


Like Starfish I feel that a structured way of eating can be good, but I am not sure that WW is the way to go. You count points, which is not much different from counting calories, and can easily become an obsession. It may also not teach her to identify when she is hungry and/or full. Those are things that she will most likely relearn and this can be a challenge. However, everybody is different and until you try you really don't know what will work for you. I do know that I wish I had never started counting calories because that is the one thing of my ED I have not completely let go of.


Another option would be to consult a nutritionist and ideally someone who has experience in helping people with eating disorders. I would

Love & hugs, Kristina