ED, is it selfish or illness?
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ED, is it selfish or illness?
| Sun, 02-15-2004 - 9:54am |
I am posting this regards my post yesterday, I read it and felt selfish, felt so bad and nasty, that I was asking someones opinion on my selfish behaviour.
I feel so guilty each time I post on a support board, like I am just acting and doing my own stuff, not that I am ill.
I feel so guilty each time I post on a support board, like I am just acting and doing my own stuff, not that I am ill.
I am really struggling to define selfishness and illness behaviours, regards which one should get help or support, and which one should not.
I am so confused, so ashamed, I feel like I am asking for such huge things from people, I feel like I am being selfish and freaking about a few pounds, because of my own selfish behaviour. My stupid little worries.
It was illness not selfishness when I was near emaciated, when I was in the ED clinic, when I looked at my pictures of me before I was admitted.
But I ask myself, was it? Or was I just too selfish again, like now, and starved till I felt happy and ignored everyone elses feelings?
When is an ED a illness or selfishness?
Katie
x

Do not “beat yourself up” with guilt and shame of whether or not it was appropriate to post on the board. We are a community who support one another. The only way to get support is to reach out. To let us know that you are hurting and need encouragement.
I understand the guilt, the shame, the torment of gaining “one pound”. Do you realize that “one pound (stone)” of extra weight can simply mean that your body retained water (not fat)? For the body to retain extra water is normal in all women during their monthly cycle.
Men do not understand female sizes of clothing. He didn’t do it maliciously; he did it because he is a man. A man who finds your body very sexy – he bought you a “g-string” NOT a flannel nightgown to hide your body. Write down your response and rehearse it before you say it and calmly tell him how you feel. Does he know you have a problem with your body image? Use “I” statements – not “you” statements; like “I don’t like the way they feel when…”, not “You made me feel bad because you bought this”. Remember: He has no clue that his “loving” gesture made you “feel” the way it has. He’s a man; he cannot mind read.
I encourage you to continue to post to this board. Do not second-guess your posts. Reach out! To this community, to friends, your partner, family, therapist.
I encourage you to find another therapist. Have someone “safe” to talk to. There are therapists who are willing to continue the recovery journey with you. It took me trying various ones until I found my current one. She continues to hang in there. I am thankful I have found someone who “listens” to me and helps me.
It is not “evil” or “wrong” of you to seek help. This is the most loving thing you can do for yourself. Love yourself so you can love others. Continue to reach out.
Katie,
You know that eating disorders are an illness. Because we all focus on ourselves quite a bit one could say that WE (not you alone) are selfish, but that doesn't change the fact that you are dealing with a serious, serious illness. It is not your fault and you CAN recover from it.
Love & hugs, Kristina
The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.
Love & hugs, Kristina