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| Mon, 02-16-2004 - 3:30am |
I'm 15 and i've been obsessed with my weight and been starving myself for months.I'm 1.65m tall and my weigh has droppped from 53kg to 40kg. Yesterday, after a tongue lashing from my uncle about the state i'm letting my body fall into and a long talk with my parents, i've finally come to my senses and decided to stop restricting myself and to gain back weight to be in the healthy range. But i know that after all that starving, my metabolism is really sluggish and low. I'm worried that consuming larger meals so suddenly and oftenly would lead to a rapid overgain and i'll not be able to stop gaining weight after that. What should i eat or do to reach the required healthy range and to maintain it from then on?

This is a “Eating Disorder”, begun because you felt loss of control in an area of your world and felt that at least you could control your eating. Most likely, most people with eating disorders know “how” to eat healthy. I continually study nutrition and I generally eat healthy, when I eat. But my main motivation of studying nutrition is so I can count every calorie so I don’t gain weight.
I feel sad that you felt they gave you a “tongue lashing”. Did that hurt? I know that when I receive a “lecture”, I feel a lot of pain – which leads to guilt, shame, depression, and a feeling that I have lost control. The vicious cycle that keeps me in this disorder – where I can control the amount of food I am eating. Ironically, the eating disorder actually has control of me, not vice versa.
From your uncle’s and mother’s point of view, they are probably very scared at what they are seeing with their eyes. They do not want you to die. They love you very much, so much they confronted you – imagine how scared they were to do this. They didn’t know how you would react. I am proud of you that you reacted positively – you reached out to this community for help.
If you feel comfortable in talking to one or both of them, tell them how you are feeling – that you are also scared of this “thing” that has control of you. That you want help.
Ask them to help you find a therapist who is willing to walk the recovery journey with you. Find someone who will “listen” and not judge you. Someone who you feel “safe” with to tell your innermost feelings to – that you can’t share with anyone else. Someone who will help you get rid of the “root” cause of the eating disorder, not simply teach you “how” to control what you eat – there are millions of “diet” centers that can do that. It took me trying various therapists until I found my current one. She continues to hang in there. I am thankful I have found someone who “listens” to me and helps me.
I could tell you how much the disorder is physically hurting your body, but I think that deep down you suspect this as truth. I am encouraged that you love yourself enough to have reached out to this community – one filled with people who understand “how” you feel, the struggles you go through.
I encourage you to continue to post to this board. Reach out! To this community, to friends, family, therapist.
It is not “evil�� or “wrong” of you to seek help. This is the most loving thing you can do for yourself. Love yourself so you can love others. Continue to reach out.
Well, I totally agree with light271 and there is really not much else I can add. The fact that you want to do what's right and get the weight back on is wonderful and shows your desire to get better, but it may not be that easy. I would definitely find a good therapist and maybe also check into some group meetings like OA (www.overeatersanonymous.org - don't let the name scare you) or EDA (www.eatingdisordersanonymous.org).
As for eating, you don't have to go and eat huge meals all of a sudden after starving yourself for a while. I would eat 5 or 6 smaller meals spread out throughout the day rather than 2 or 3 big ones. That's healthier anyhow whether you metabolism is slow or not. If you stick to healthy foods like lean protein, veggies, healthy oils like olive, coconut, and flax, and maybe some whole grains, you should be ok. But you still need to address the emotional side of all this.
Try to post here as often as you need to. Everybody here can relate to what you are going through in some way and you will get great support - something you need a lot of during recovery.
Love & hugs, Kristina
The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.
Love & hugs, Kristina