New here...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
New here...
3
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 8:10pm
I'm new here... have posted twice so far but this is my first time starting a discussion.. I am 30, had an ED when I was 17 that I thought had gone away... I guess it never REALLY goes away or does it? Anyway... I've had some of those old feelings coming back as I have recently started this new obsession again with my weight, calories, eating, working out. When I had my ED at 17 I was anorexic/bulemic. My question is... am I going back to old tendencies thought they may be in a different form? I write down EVERYTHING I eat and the calories (I do eat though!) and I am obsessed with exercising everday. What I learned from my ED before...I know that this comes from feelings of being out of control and wanting something to control. I know that I am a perfectionist and I am seeking the perfect body, perfect life etc. and if I can't have the perfect life well then maybe I can have the perfect body. Or, if I can't control other things in my life at least I can control my weight and looks of my body. Is this an ED? I eat about 1000 calories a day, run 3-4 miles 5 days a week and weight train 4 days a week. Is this obsessive? Am a back to old habits but in a new form?

Thanks for any advice,

k
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: kingsley2003
Sat, 02-21-2004 - 4:25pm

Hi and welcome!!


It does sound like you are too obsessive. Considering that you

Love & hugs, Kristina

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: kingsley2003
Sat, 02-21-2004 - 6:58pm
Thanks Kristina for the reply and thoughts...the sad thing is I DID learn a lot about ED's having been through one so I do know intellectually why I feel I am going through the same type thing again (the obsessiveness - the conrol of food thing)! Intellectually I know why I am doing what I am doing but it still is not helping me... I think the support of this board may help. I have also started with my church - the purpose driven life book... so far the first section focuses on how your life is NOT ABOUT YOU - it is about what God intended for you - and I think- from my experiences at least- that ED's can be so SELF OBSESSIVE and I am trying to not be so self obsessed and to focus more on others and learning about my true purpose in life. Intellectually I know why these obsessive behaviors with food/eating/exercising have resurfaced... I am BUSY with a home, a family, keeping a house (obsessively clean I may add - that's the perfectionist in me) and getting the kids ready academically... I feel so many things in my life are out of my control and I desperately want SOMETHING to control. I am a perfectionist to the core and I am trying to not focus so much on this! It's work as we all know!

K
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: kingsley2003
Sat, 02-21-2004 - 10:02pm
Well, it sounds like you are on the right track. I have heard lots of good things about The Purpose Driven LIfe but have not read it myself. And you have great awareness and that's important. Just stay focused and stay in the moment - I know, that's not always easy. And keep us posted on how you are doing or how we can help.

Love & hugs, Kristina


The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.

Love & hugs, Kristina