negative emotions is my trigger

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2003
negative emotions is my trigger
3
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 11:04pm
I was bulimic at age 19. I am currently 24 and I feel it is going to come back very soon. Before in the past when I was angry and anxious, I was on a emotional rollercoaster. When ever I have these emotions I want to vomit. my emotions seem to trigger my bulimia instead of thinking I am fat or have low self esteem.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 9:26am
You hit the nail on the head with that statement. I have the same triggers. I am now 36, and have suffered from anorexia/bulimia since I was 16. I have not done it regularly for over 5 years, but when I've had my "relapses" (maybe 3 times in 5 years) they've all been emotionally triggered. It wasn't so much about the thinnes of my body, but the events surrounding my life that triggered my episodes. I think realizing that you don't want to be face down throwing up in a toilet, or fatigued from not eating, helps me get through the tempting times. I still have my moments, especially, when I feel I have no control in my life and I'm in a downward spiral, but logic steps in, and I fight the feeling off. But I've learned that if I do have a weakened moment and binge/purge, I tell myself ok I slipped back again, and talk myself out of doing it again. It's an everyday battle, but most days I get through it. I have a lot to be healthy for now. Two little ones give me a reality check everyday to keep it together. They far outweigh the rewards I ever got from letting my eating disorder control me. Life is hard and challenging a lot, but adding the pressure of dealing with the disorder actually addes to the roller coaster ride. I am more at peace now that I've let go of the control I have over my body, and remember to enjoy the moments of my life that bring me pleasure. It's hard not falling back into my old habits, and I'm faced with the temptation all the time. But I enjoy going out to dinner now, without worrying about where the bathroom is to throw it up. I'm sending out a hug and peace within yourself. I've been where you are, and it does get easier. Decide you want control over you, and not let the eating disorder be the cure to the hectic things going on in your life. I don't know if this helped, but please know, I comletely know where you're at.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 9:50am

Hi Karmen,


You have a lot of awareness which is a HUGE step in the right direction. Often times people with EDs can't make a connection between their relapses and the emotions that triggered them. Have you considered seeing a therapist (if you are not already) and working on that issue? I used to do the same thing and now most of the time I don't even have the urge anymore to mess up, but when I do, it's simply a thought and it never goes anymore. I just don't have the desire to do those things anymore. It's possible to recover, you just need to work on it. But it sounds like you are in a pretty good place already.

Love & hugs, Kristina


The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.

Love & hugs, Kristina

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 9:04pm
Hi Karmen,

You're not alone! (MY ED was over 10 years ago...)For me I've also had some tendencies show up again recently...My trigger is feeling "out of control". For me it's not thinking I'm fat, I know I am currently a healthy weight (though I'm terrified of gaining) and it's not self esteem (most of the time I am proud of what I have overcome (ED) and I am HEALTHY and active and energetic now. (With an ED you have NO energy - I didn't at least!) I do have those occasional relapses once in awhile and it is because of stress and feeling loss of control over things around me... I just can't stand the GUILT I feel lying to my husband and him not realized how much I NEED to be in control of everything around me - like all the time! I also try to be so healthy now that the occasional relapses make me feel guilty about hurting my body! I'm trying to become closer to my religion and learn that it is okay to be imperfect...

K