thoughts...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2004
thoughts...
1
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 10:20am
Hi, everyone!

I just wanted to check-in and say hi! Things are going okay for me. Last night at my session with the nutritionist, we sort of came to the conclusion that I might suffer from seasonal depression, which could explain why my ED got so much worse this winter, and why I am starting to feel better. I've never liked the winter, but I thought that was just normal. The more I think about it though, I was really despondent this winter. I isolated myself a lot from my friends and didn't have the desire to talk to anyone. I think the ED and the depression are definitely linked, but I'm not sure if one is a result of the other... does that make any sense?

I wanted also to thank scaredmom2 for the discussion about Bulimiarexia... I think it offers some really sound advice and may have to pick it up! Does anyone else have suggestions of helpful books? For me, it's really helpful to see things in print about ED... it alleviates a lot of the feelings isolation.

And, Rayah, good luck to you! I know you have your appt next week. How are you feeling about it? Nervous at all? I'm proud of you for having the courage to take the first step! I'm also very proud that Sunday was a "good" day for you; that's excellent. Oh, and I told the ex-bf last night... he kept wondering why I had so many "appointments," so I finally told him. It was mixed, good and bad. He really thought I should tell my parents, but there is no way that will ever happen. We'll see.

Stay strong, everyone!

xo,

Grace

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2004
In reply to: eegrace
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 11:12am

Grace,


I'm so glad you got the chance to talk to your ex bf about this issue. Did you feel better getting that weight off your shoulders? I don't blame you for not telling your parents. I'd never tell mine either. FORGET IT! They would FREAK out, probably have me institutionalized "for my own good" (of course).


I definately suffer with SAD and I can completely relate to your feelings during the winter. Even on anti-depressants, it's tough to get through those cold crappy months for me. I'm not sure if the ED is a result of depression or the other way around either, but yeah, they're linked for sure.


I'm scared to death about my appointment next week. Last night I totally broke down. I'm really very scared of learning to "deal" without ED. I'm afraid my bf won't be able to handle me going through therapy. I'm scared of facing my past and I'm terrified of dealing with the future without my coping mechanism that I have become quite comfortable with over the past 15 years. I'm afraid of facing all of these fears. Part of me wants to rewind time and never tell a soul, because if I would have kept my secret I wouldn't have been encouraged to get help... but then again... the reason I told was because I know I need help and I have to get over this or it WILL destroy me.


Last night when I was going through my mini-tramatic moment, my bf was making dinner. I declined to eat because I knew if I did I would purge later. SO I just didn't eat. I guess I thought this was a success, because normally I'd scarf down a ton of food and just purge later and feel even worse. I wasn't hungry anyway.


Thanks for thinking about me Grace. I'm thinking about you too!!! Hang in there!!!!


Rayah