i binged...may trigger

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
i binged...may trigger
4
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 7:52pm
i don't want anyone who might be triggered to read this. i just feel like i need to tell someone and write down a plan.

after nine days without doing it, i binged today, three times. and two of the times were at work.

i am trying to hold myself together because i'm still at work, although i feel like i'm going to cry. i know i'm not going to purge as in vomit, but i'm likely to start restricting now. i've promised myself no more going without eating altogether, so i've still got that going for me.

ok, so:

-i may find myself wanting to restrict, but i'm NOT going to starve tomorrow to make up for this. i am going to eat something tomorrow.

-i'm going to be honest with my husband about the binges when i get off work.

-i'm not going to stay angry at myself for bingeing. i'm going to try to become calm.

-i think i binged because i have been eating more or less normally, probably a little beyond my full point, for about a week. this makes me feel like my body is changing, which makes me think about restricting again. i'm admitting that i still think in terms of "this is the last time i'll ever eat this food, so i better eat a lot of it."

ok. breathe. i'm going to be ok.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 9:59pm

I am glad you wrote about your binge here. It's good to get stuff out, especially in writing.


Your goals are great, especially the not staying angry at yourself part. It's best to look at it as a learning experience and move forward.


How are you doing with the other goals? Have you told your husband and if so, how did that go? If you don't stick to all your goals, don't beat yourself up. That's just another way of self-punishemnt. You are making progress - one step at a time.

Love & hugs, Kristina


The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.

Love & hugs, Kristina

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 12:01pm
i did good with my goals! by the time i got home i had calmed down and wasn't mad at myself. and even though i did restrict a little yesterday, i ate healthy foods and avoided even thinking about the binges.

i told my husband about the binges and cried a little when i did that. he just does not understand how i can start eating and not stop, so i can tell he feels frustrated with me. but he hugged me and then said the most kind thing...he said "well, you'd better eat a something healthy before you go to sleep." i was so grateful to him because my mindset had switched to "ok i'm not eating to make up for these binges." and when he said eat something healthy despite the binges, i felt great. even if he doesn't understand why i can't stop eating, he knows what to say to me to help me out of that miserable feeling...reminded me i'm not disgusting because i binge and i do deserve to eat!

i want to work on figuring out hungry and full! i know i've been saying that for a while, and i really think that's the whole story for me...if i can figure out "ok, i'm full and i'm going to eat again so i don't have to eat it all now" i believe that will be a major step in getting over this ED. my plan is to keep eating something every day and make sure it's healthy. when i'm eating healthy stuff, i'm not even tempted by junk food! so that is my mini-focus for now...eat every day. no more starving = no more bingeing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 5:25pm
hi

just thought id let you know i read your post and think your plan is great; not toooo impossible, but a good challenge...

i know i hate to loses challenges, so i figure evry1 else does 2...

you can do it...take one step at a time

GOOD LUCK

lauren x x x
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 8:09am

I am glad your husband was understanding and said what he did say. Something I have done is to figure out exactly what I need from my husband at different times (after a binge, when I FEEL like eating compulsively, when I feel like NOT eating, etc.) and then I told him what I need. It can be very frustrating for our loved ones who have never experienced having an ED themselves. This way he doesn't feel so lost and you have a better chance of getting what you need in times of distress.


I think your plan is great and I have to agree that when I eat healthy I don't crave junkfood anymore except for an occasional day during PMS. I personally had to cut out artificial sweetener as well because it set me up to keep craving more sweets. Once I stopped using it, I also stopped craving sweets all day long. But that's me and may not apply to you at all. You have to figure out what works for you. I also get a lot of health information from Dr. Mercola's website. I don't think I can post it here because he sells foods and books besides all the health information he lists. If you are interested in it I will email it to you.


You are doing great and the full/hungry thing takes a while to figure out. It takes a little time but eventually you will get there. And I am so glad your husband is supportive. Has he looked at www.somethingfishy.org? It has great stuff not only for us, but also for our loved ones who worry about us and care for us.

Love & hugs, Kristina


The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.

Love & hugs, Kristina