Boyfriend sometimes triggers my ED

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Boyfriend sometimes triggers my ED
11
Wed, 06-09-2004 - 12:18pm
My boyfriend always thinks that he is fat and he's always on some sort of diet. He's not fat at all - 6'2" and about 155 or 160 lbs. He once weighed about 190, so he's lost a great deal of weight. I think that he looked better at his former weight, but he disagrees. His constant weight watching sometimes triggers my eating disorder and makes me want to lose a bunch of weight, too. He tells me that I'm perfect just the way I am and he knows that I've had problems with anorexia and bulimia in the past. Should I tell him that although I support his desire to be healthy, his behavior sometimes makes me want to resort to disordered eating again?

Stacy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 3:40am
Yes, Stacy! You HAVE to tell him! You want to strive for a relationship that is healthy for BOTH of you, don't you? (Has he considered counseling?)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 6:24am

HI Stacy,


Yes, I think being open and honest in a relationship is very important, especially when it comes to our feelings. Just don't be confrontational about it.


However, you said you 'support his desire to be healthy' and my thought was that he is struggling with his own ED in some way. At his height and weight he must be pretty thin. If the truly thinks he is fat, then his body image of himself is rather distorted. I agree that some counseling might be helpful.


Have you suggested to him at all that he might have a slight form of anorexia? I am not saying you should - it's a delicate issue and only you know when and if the time is right, but if he is willing to talk about it that might be helpful for both of you.


Let us know what you decide and how things go from here on out.

Love & hugs, Kristina


The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.

Love & hugs, Kristina

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 1:48pm
hi

i totally agree with kristina on this...great minds think alike!! she basically took the words rite out of my mouth(or hands really in this case!!) you should tell him...you cant keep returning to your ed just because of him...and he may have an ed of his own?? basically, my advice is the same as kristina's..

good luck

hope you can sort it all out soon

lauren x x x
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Fri, 06-11-2004 - 12:54pm
I don't think that he has ever considered counseling. I think that he really should, though. It really seems like he has a problem. Even if it's not a full blown eating disorder, I would say that he definitely suffers from some form of disordered eating and a distorted body image. Thanks for your help!

Stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Fri, 06-11-2004 - 1:00pm
Kristina,

I have actually suggested to him that he may have a slight form of anorexia, but he denies it. He says, "I'd so be anorexic if I were a girl," but I don't think he believes that guys can have anorexia. I even asked him one time if he ever makes himself throw up. I have no idea how he stays the weight that he is because his body type is meant to be a bit big. He actually looks better at a larger weight. He looks gaunt and sick at the weight that he is now. His skin is loose and you can tell that there's something wrong with him.

Stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Fri, 06-11-2004 - 1:03pm
Lauren,

I agree with you - I think that he has an eating disorder of his own. He denies it, though. He says things like, "I eat!" As if that means he doesn't have any eating disorder. I don't know what to do with him sometimes. I suppose that I could call his mom up, but I don't think she likes me all that much, so maybe that's not the greatest idea.

Stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Sat, 06-12-2004 - 2:04pm
whether his mum likes you or not is not the point (sorry to be harsh, but i think it must be sed..). if you think he has an ed (which by the sounds of it, he does) i think you should tell his mum (or if you dont, have a better reason than the one about her not liking you all that much). it really is for both your sakes as i think that if you both have eds, you will hold each other back from being free of it, as he is now doing to you; it is a constant reminder...i personally would say phone his mum, but i dont know many specific details...its definitely your call, but it does sound like he needs help...

lauren x x x

good luck stacy
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Sun, 06-13-2004 - 11:11pm
Lauren,

I'm worried that his mom won't believe me. She has all these weird ideas about me, but I never did anything to suggest to her that they were true. She thinks that I'm very pretty, and therefore, it's impossible for me to be virtuous. I find that really insulting. She's also accused me of trying to pressure her son into sleeping me, which is not true, and she's also sure that as soon as I meet someone else, I'll dump her son and break his heart. I'm worried that she'll think I am lying to try to get him in trouble or something.

Stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 4:47pm
I have the opposite problem... My fiancee is really thin. He gets sick if he eats too much, but he always wants to gain weight. It makes me sooo jealous that I'm always trying to lose weight and he always wants to gain it. Guys are just as weird about weight and stuff as girls are, sometimes it's just a little different.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 5:58pm
That really sucks about his mother dosnt trust you.. I dont know what I'd do if my fiancee's mom didnt like me. I got really lucky, she accepted me into her family even though I'm not vietnamese. I know that she'd prefer if he was with an asian girl, so it's even more amazing that she likes me. I kinda calmed Chris down a bunch, got him more grounded and all, so I guess she appreciates that..

Meg

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