ed possible triggers

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2004
ed possible triggers
2
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 9:24am
Hi just wanted to let you guys now some history. I started my eating disorder 2 years agoafter my husband had an affair. It was like my whole body shut down. I started restrcting eating barley nothing. I was heart broken I had been married 18 years how could he do this. I found out the person my husband was with was skinny and here I was fat I couldn't handle it. I had to be skinny for my husband to love me. I didn't know I would get an eating disorder. I'm 40 and have an eating disorder I always thought eating disorders were for the young I'm 5 foot 3 and weight 110 I been in and out of hospitals nothing seems to help. I don't want ed anymore I have no happiness to replace ed. I have a daughter 17 who is pregnant. I always thought skinny would mean happy. I tried to end my life lots of times. so my husband keeps my meds. But the other day I thought of another way to end my life I could drive my car in the garage and I could do it. I told my husband I was thinking that way so my daughter keeps the keys. I don't want to die but ed is gonna kill me I've got to find happiness. violet
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 11:24am
hi Violet,

you posted encouragement in my thread about recovering...thank you :)

i wish i could hug you. if you feel that you might try to suicide, please tell someone who is with you in real life and can help. you could tell your husband, a close friend, a pastor/priest, call a crisis phone line (they're anonymous). it's good you've already told your husband...don't try to handle suicidal feelings alone. once you've told someone who can stop you right now, please also find a therapist who can help you manage and understand.

i'm so sorry about what happened between you and your husband and the feelings that generated inside you. have you two participated in any therapy to discuss what happened? does your husband know why you lost weight? when you've been hospitalized, did you get any support for recovering from your eating disorder? do you know where to go to find help?

about not having any happiness to replace your ED: were you happy before your ED? you have three children...do they make you happy? my sister was also pregnant very young, and although everyone was shocked at first, now we can hardly remember life before the baby was born. that baby makes ALL of us happy, especially my parents. it's scary for sure but everything so far has been as fine as i could have hoped.

i know what it feels like to think that all you are is your ED. as little as a month ago i felt like food and my eating behavior defined me, to me it was everything. but there must be more to me because my husband and family loves me and i have friends and i enjoy other activities, etc. i don't know how to convince you because i'm only starting recovery, but i am trusting that life is better when i have many other things to focus on besides eating and my body. your children certainly must love you and need you. there are probably things you enjoy doing still or enjoyed in the past. skinny doesn't mean happy if all you can think about is how you don't measure up and whether you're going to pass out before you can finish your workout and how you can't go out to eat with friends because you're not allowed to eat this or that or anything at all. ED's totally suck!

Violet i am happy to meet you and glad you're here. please keep posting and stick around :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 7:10pm

Hi Violet,


I am glad you found us and I for one hope you will stick around so we can get to know you better. What you have been through with your husband sounds very, very painful and difficult. The tough part is forgiving, moving on, and most of all, moving THROUGH the pain. None of that is easy, but it's possible as is recovery. There was a time in my life when I thought I had nothing to live for either, but things always change and can get better.


Are you in therapy right now? You said you have been to several holpitals, but what about on-going therapy after the hospitals? Then there are group meetings you can go to in addition to the individual therapy. It sounds like you may need quite a bit of support right now, but that will eventually change as well.


Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing. I am really happy you are here - obviously I wish none of us had EDs, but I would rather you have additional support than not.

Love & hugs, Kristina


The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.

Love & hugs, Kristina