Haven't posted in a LONG time

Avatar for kdvaleski
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2004
Haven't posted in a LONG time
6
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 12:34pm
Hi all. Just to intro myself a little, I am 32 years old, anorexic and bulimic, though both have been in remission for the past four years. I developed my ED's when I was about 14 years old, so I've been through a LOT of the ups and downs, but I'm having some difficulty lately. I had a baby 14 months ago, and had a tremendous weight gain in the last trimester of pregnancy, and have not been able to lose more than a few pounds since delivery. I have tried several healthy options (even under my MD's supervision), and nothing has worked. I have been getting increasingly anxious and unhappy about the weight/my appearance, and have been feeling more and more self conscious and not worthy. I have never been this heavy in my life (except while pregnant), and I'm SERIOUSLY uncomfortable with it. The longer I go without being able to lose weight, the worse I feel. I'm also bipolar, and some of the medications I sometimes have to take for that cause weight gain. Because of those meds I had a problem with my digestive system and for almost three months was unable to go to the bathroom without excessive amounts of laxative products, so now that's all jacked up again. I went to the health food store a couple of days ago to get some Ephedra, but it's been taken off the market. I went to get that even though I know it's an easy lead-in to an anorexic episode for me. I'm starting to feel desperate, and I know that's a dangerous place for me to be. I DON'T want to relapse with the ED, and I guess I just need some support. Does anyone have the slightest idea where I'm coming from?

TIA,

Kristen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 10:00pm

Hi Kristen,


I gained weight last year due to health issues although I kept eating healthy and exercising 5 to 6 days a week. It was very frustrating, definitely made things harder, and brought up old ED issues. I hadn't been in reocvery that long so it was definitely a challenge. I also had a lot of hormonal issues going on which messed with my mind even more.


It sounds like you need to get your digestion back in order. If you are overweight and not loosing despite a healthy diet, then something has got to be wrong. I can share some of the things I did to cleanse my body and slowly but surely get back to better health, but I

Love & hugs, Kristina

Avatar for kdvaleski
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2004
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 11:22pm
Thanks for posting back to me. I am feeling like a fish out of water here, because the struggle IS bringing up a lot of ED issues, and even though I have been in remission for a fairly long time, they come back just like it was all yesterday. I am falling back into my old thought patterns, like this time it will be different, this time I can control it, and I will just restrict and purge until I lose ___ pounds (fill in the blank, it doesn't matter what the number is, I just keep changing it as I reach goals), and then I'll be able to stop and just return to healthy eating habits and everything will be normal and no one will know. It's those thoughts that always lead to trouble for me, because after a while I convince myself that I can maintain control, but I just spiral down. Each time I have gotten sick it has been worse than the time before. The same old circular thinking just comes right back, and it doesn't matter how long I have been in recovery, it just gets worse every time. I'm not even concerned about the digestive problem, but it is a REALLY bad idea for me to be using laxative products, regardless of the reason, in such high doses.

Kristen

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 12:33am
Hi Kristen,

I'm really sorry to hear about your struggle. Over the years, I've met a couple of women who felt and did great with their ED during pregnancy, but really had a hard time after having the baby. Though I've never been pregnant, I would guess that hormones are a big part of that phenomenon. They play such a role in the way your body feels, the way your mind works, how you heal, and your appetite and digestion. If you haven't had a good hormonal work-up with a doctor, it's a good thing to think about.

I also really agree with Kristina on the importance of healthy digestion. If you're "not even concerned about the digestion problem," as you say... you really should be! You would be *amazed* at what your digestive system does for the rest of your body. I tend to think of my body in "parts," but in truth everything is so connected and interdependent. If you're having a lot of digestive problems, that should be your primary focus, not the weight. Your body isn't going to let go of storage until it is healed and healthy.

Lastly, I am not bipolar, but I was once treated for anxiety/ OCD with anafranil, which was absolute hell for my body. I gained about 30-40 pounds in about a month and a half, felt like a nutcase, had horrible periods, had vision problems, and on and on. What I mean to say is, psychiatric drugs are very potent and can be hard to live with. If you need to be on them, it may be worth the side effects. However, you should ask for information (from your doctor or a trusted psychiatrist) specifically on reducing the side effects with your drugs and on weight management on those drugs. They may have some tricks for you, who knows. If not, keep searching!

You shouldn't have to struggle so hard to feel good and be healthy! I'm sorry you're going through this. You sound like a really level-headed woman at her wits' end with the body war. I have been there before, and I urge you not to take the "easy way out" with the eating disorder. Not only do you deserve to find the answers for your well-being; you've got a little one who needs the best you you can be.

Check back with us and let us know what you find out.

Love and lots of prayers,

Starfish

Avatar for kdvaleski
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2004
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 2:04pm
Hi, and thanks for the post. I do agree that a healthy digestive tract is very important, though I am more concerned with my mental health at the moment. My gastrointestinal symptoms have swung to the other end of the pendulum rather quickly in the past couple of days, so I believe I am just going to rest my poor system and fast for a few days, other than clear liquids. Hopefully that will help get me back on track, and if not, at least at that point I should be cleaned out enough for an exam if necessary.

Yes, the medications for my bipolar are very important. I know that I need to stay on them, it just makes it more difficult to try to strike a balance between stability with my ED and stability with the BP. That's no small feat, and that's where most of my struggle is, at least today. I had been considering just stopping all the meds to precipitate a manic episode (did I already post this?), because I always lose weight at those times, but I know better than to dink with the balance. I just needed some support from anyone that understands the whole ED struggle.

Kristen

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 1:36am
Hi Kristen,

Be strong and continue to fight your negative impulses. Quitting your meds sounds like a *bad* idea with a *bad* motivation.

What I was trying to say is that digestive function is HUGELY important for mental health. I can understand wanting to work on mental health stuff before you worry about anything else, but I really think you should go the other way around. More than half of all "brain chemicals" are manufactured in the gut. If your gut is as unhealthy as it is, obviously the brain is going to suffer. If you have a leaky roof that's damaging a light fixture inside your house, you don't fix the light fixture first and wait on the roof. The roof isn't as visible, you don't think about it as much, and you don't really think of it as related to your light, but you sure need it to be in good order if you want your lights to operate. I think of the body in the same way. Like I said, we tend to zero in on "parts" and want to treat them one by one, forgetting that the body is its own whole. Aaaanyway, I just hope you won't put off looking at the stomach stuff because it may be awfully difficult to get your mind healthy if you don't.

Here are a couple of links... there's much better info out there but it's a start.

http://www.gsdl.com/assessments/finddisease/depression/digestive_function.html

http://www.curezone.com/forums/m.asp?f=27&i=518

http://www.wholisticresearch.com/info/artshow.php3?artid=325

Best wishes,

Starfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 9:33pm
I havent been pregnant, but I am also overweight, despite my eating disorder. I guess it's because I've been drinking so much lately, but anyway, I can relate to not being able to be able to loose the overweightness.

Meg