No body obsession - I just cannot eat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
No body obsession - I just cannot eat.
3
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 9:57am
Hi everyone,

This is my first post here, and I'm just trying to get some answers. Maybe one of you kind people could point me in the right direction?

First of all, I eat very little to begin with...probably around 1200 calories a day, and I get regular exercise. So for the most part I am healthy, and my weight hovers aroun 170 (I'm 5'9").

A year ago, after a particularly horrible breakup, I stopped eating (almost completely) for a month and a half and lost 30 pounds (which puts me in at the 170 - before that I was close to 200). I am happier at the lower weight, obviously, and even after my appetite came back I maintained it.

Now I am in the same basic situation. Another heartbreak, but this one I have to face on a daily basis at least for the next two months. I stopped eating again, about two weeks ago (I am trying to *make* myself eat this time, because I am literally too weak to do just about anything). My weight has dropped ten pounds in those two weeks (down to 160 - still not critical).

I don't know what to do. I can't imagine getting little to no food is helping the situation, and yet everytime I try to eat I throw up immediately.

I actually have a therapist, but there is nothing she can do but listen to me talk about all of this. I really don't know what to do at this point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Sat, 07-10-2004 - 12:37am
Hi and welcome!

It sounds like you have multiple contributing factors to your eating situation. I'm really sorry about your breakups and the grief it's causing you.

I'm glad you've seen a therapist. What do you mean when you say "there is nothing she can do but listen to me talk about all this?" Are there things she isn't doing that you wish she would (questions she doesn't ask, things she doesn't pick up on, issues she glosses over...)? If you don't feel like it's a good match or it's not helping, you can always check out another therapist. However, be clear that *you're* the one doing all the work on your life. She needs to do a good job of helping you think about things clearly and teaching you the tools to manage your stress and grief, but the burden is really on you.

Secondly, if you genuinely get sick right after eating (i.e. you actually need to throw up and aren't forcing yourself to), you need to see a doctor. Actually, I would recommend seeing a doctor regardless. You really don't sound well. What are considered psychological problems (the post-breakup anxiety/ depression, for example) can have a huge impact on your physical well-being. But, your physical health can also make your psychological state worse and worse. Losing your appetite, dropping weight rapidly, and feeling weak are all good indicators that something is physically wrong. Even if you determine that it's all "just" psychological, you need to be taking steps to turn your physical health around. Lack of nourishment has a huge impact on mental and emotional functioning-- no matter your weight.

I'll be praying for you, and you're welcome to our board anytime.

Hugs,

Starfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 5:33am
hi

basically, i just want to say ditto to what starfishofc sed...

sorry i cant b more help; just wanted 2 let u no i read ur e-mail and totally agree with starfish sed..

lauren x x x x x
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 7:15pm
Be careful... what you described is exactly what happened to me, well, not exactly BUT when I was much MUCH younger (high school, now I'm 40ish) I got dumped. I could not eat for something like a month, nothing would be held down and I was so busy crying I didn't think to eat. That should have been a clue to me that I could not deal with rejection or abandonment well. I bounced back within a year and gained the typical 15 pounds as a college student. My life went on happily, I got married, had three kids, dog, house , the whole nine yards. I'd occasionally "diet" but always maintained a healthy weight. Then I found out my husband was cheating on me, and had been "seeing" another "woman" for several years. The world fell out from under me and I found myself unable to eat again. Now I have had stress and problems in my life, gone through some difficult experiences and did not deal with them in a distructive way but there is an underlying similarity between my high school experience and finding out about the affair... and they both brought up such feelings of worthlessness that I literally wanted to disappear. This last time, with the affair, I developed a full blown eating disorder (guess that's the difference between a couple of years verses 20 years). Anyway, losing weight easily becomes addictive. You start slowly, or in our cases, quickly, and suddenly THAT becomes your focus. At least that is what happened to me. I really was not trying to look better (and quite frankly, I don't), I didn't count calories, weigh myself regularily and stress about every single thing that goes into my mouth... but I sure do now. Somehow find the courage and strength to take care of your body... to nourish yourself and love and nurture yourself. Don't let this eating crap take over your life. I hope you realize that you have to love yourself first. It's hard but take care of yourself FOR YOU!