Long time no posts.... (from me)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
Long time no posts.... (from me)
1
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 1:18am
my psychiatrist and everyone in my family are constantly on my case about eating. when my dad gets home from work everyday the first thing he says is "what did you eat today?" no "hi, how was your day?" nothing. just "what did you shove down your throat?" same with my mother.. although she goes about it in a more subtle way.

i'm sick and tired of everyone telling me to eat. obiiously i know i have to eat to get better. i just can't. when i eat even the smallest thing i feel so bloated and my stomach grows 5 inches. it's sick to watch my body transform like that.

i wonder if everyone leaves me alone would i get better? or is this helping matters? i think the constant harping on me is doing more harm than good. it's not like i don't eat altogether. i eat maybe a bannana and have some apple juice one day, nothing the next, a bowl of cereal the next day and some milk. i just can't sit down and have a 'regular' dinner like 'normal' people.

it pains me the most when i go out to restaurants and i force myself to try and finish my plate and everyone's done and it looks like i haven't even put a dent in my salad - and they've all have beefy steaks and junk and finish before me. it's embarassing. i hate it.

will this ever end. sometimes i don't want it to because i like the way i look (though a few more pounds lost couldn't hurt) but everyone says i look like a walking skeleton, gaunt, pale, listless...

i don't know. i just don't know. i'm one of those 'lucky' people who when/if they get back into a regular ruitine of eating (which i have in the past - recovery #X) they gain too many pounds and seep into a depression (i'm already bipolar) which doesn't help things much.

last time i was in the hospital i gained back 25 pounds (the jerks) and i've just passed that and have lost 31 of those pounds again.

i don't know what i'm rambling. maybe i just need some support. support of what kind? i don't know. maybe just a hug.......

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 6:40am

Hi phoenix,


I remember you and I am glad you decided to share what is going on with you. While I understand that your family is annoying you, try to keep in mind that they are just worried about you and simply don't know how to help or what to do. It's such unfamiliar territory for people. Maybe that will make it a little easier.


Since you have been starving your body for a while, it will equally take some time to get it back to normal when you eat. Bloating and water retention can be common when people who have struggled with EDs for a long time start eating normal meals again. The thing is to do it slowly. Start one small meal a day...just do your best.


If your parents are that concerned, ask them if you can see a naturopath or an ostheopath. Bloating to the extreme that you describe is not normal in MY opinion. I was going through the same thing for almost 2 years (and I had been eating normal portions for a while prior to that) and finally figured out that I need to supplement with HCl. It took several doctors, many months, and lots of trial and error to figure it out, but it works wonders. I am not saying you need HCl, but it could be an issue, or you may need to supplement with some good enzymes to help your body digest food properly. It may also be the reason you gained weight when you were in the hospital, unless you really needed to gain 25 lbs which is hard to say without seeing you.


I would definitely start seeing someone for the physical side of things as well as continue therapy now that you are not in the hospital anymore. Are you seeing a therapist on a weekly basis? It really sounds like you would benefit from it.


Please keep checking in and let us know how things are going.

Love & hugs, Kristina


The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.

Love & hugs, Kristina