new here and seeking advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
new here and seeking advice
4
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 11:57pm
Hi all,

After being confronted by family and friends for the past few months, I have recently accepted that I am suffering from a mild case of anorexia. This week I finally decided that it was time to see a counselor, and I have an appointment set up for next week. But since I have opened up dialogue with my family and others, I have had a serious problem with binging and every day I feel worse and worse about myself. I do fine during the day, basically eating what my family eats (I am home from college right now), but at night, I feel like I go absolutely crazy just eating whatever is in sight. And no one is forcing me to eat or anything, it's all on my own. I always feel so awful right afterwards, and of course my first thoughts are... "well, I'll just skip breakfast tomorrow"... or... "I'll drink coffee all day tomorrow and exercise"... and then I get upset because those thoughts are so counterproductive to my goal of achieving a balanced diet, not the typical dangerous reduction of calories for days followed by two days of serious binging. Does anyone have any advice? I am just struggling with the fact that since I've stopped denying my body what it needs during the day, I suddenly have these cravings to binge that make overcoming the disorder that much more difficult.

Thank you ahead of time for any advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 6:38am

Hi and welcome to the board.


What you are describing sounds like 'normal' ED behaviour and I know it is very frustrating. Going to see a therapist is probably the best thing you can do and he/she will help you figure out why you are behaving this way. Over time, as you work on the emotional side, the ED behaviours will stop.


You did mention that you are denying yourself what your body needs during the day. Going through deprivation, or semi-starvation, will set you up for a binge so that might be part of what you are going through. If it's not too scary, try to eat a little more throughout the day. Stick to healthy food if you can so you don't beat yourself up over eating something unhealthy. You can also try to write down what you are feeling/thinking right before you are about to binge - one, it may prevent you from bingeing, and two, it may give you some insight as to why you are bingeing.

Love & hugs, Kristina


The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.

Love & hugs, Kristina

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 11:31pm
I do the exact same thing!!! It's sooo frustrating!! I bearly eat during the day then i'm either so hungry, or just craving food that I eat sooo much right before I go to sleep!! Then I say I wont even eat tomorrow and just exercise, but I never do b/c i'm always hungry right when I wake up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 12:45am
You're right, it's so frustrating! Last night, for example, I binged before I went to bed, and it made me so upset that I was determined to eat sensibly the next day but it's almost impossible because you either A) feel hungry in the morning and guilty for feeling hungry or B) feel bloated or full and don't want to eat anything. All I want is to achieve balance, but when you're starting from such an imbalance, it's so hard.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 12:59am

I agree that it is really hard to find and achieve balance, especially when there just doesn't seem to be a right time to start, but eventually you will get there. You don't have to do it over night either but instead take smaller steps which will eventually lead you to a larger, overall goal. If you binge at night and as a result decide not to eat at all the next day, try to eat at least one meal. The trick is to 'pop out' of that negative cycle you are in. At first it's hard but as time goes by it will get easier and easier...I speak from experience. :0 There was a time when I wouldn't have eaten no matter how hungry I was because of a binge or my clothes being tight and now I don't like being hungry and look forward to my meals, even when I feel I have eaten a bit too much the night before. I also don't binge anymore.


Try to do the right thing, even if that's scary or uncomfortable, and do it one minute at a time. Don't spend any time beating yourself up over something that happend in the past, or worrying about what might happen later that night. Stay in the now...and right now you're ok.

Love & hugs, Kristina