Do you believe there is a cure?I hope so
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| Tue, 07-27-2004 - 2:17pm |
One of the topics/ideas brought up in the book was that this woman had gone through 30 years of hell... dieting, binging, purging, anorexia... you name it, she had that disordered eating. Anyway, she said in her book that she is free of disordered eating/thoughts, and that she is "Cured". However, in other books, testimonials, and talking to people in group therapy, they claim you are never "cured" just in remission. I never thought this until i redeveloped an E.D (I was anorexic from 14-17, "cured" - and truly believed i was cured - for 5.5 years, and then developed bulimia 1.5 years ago. I am curently in therapy for it).
I also go to a support group once a week, and when i first started going, i said, "This isn't my first time in therapy or battling an ED." and the group leader, once a former ana said, "this isn't the first time for any of us here." That put a damper on my spirit.
So here is my question to all of you with an E.D. Do you believe you can be cured, or are you just in remission, with the very good possibility of/more prone to redeveloping an E.D. again? I would like to think that once I get better, I will never revisit this horrible, awful, wretched place again. I never, ever EVER want to have another E.D. of any kind. I want to be able to eat normally, but healthy, like i used to PRIOR to my two stints with an E.D.
The two hardest things I have ever had to do in my life (now 3) come in this order: 1. putting down my childhood dog 1.5 years ago (hmmmm right when i broke up with my mentally abusive boyfriend and developed bulimia - coincidence?) 2. recovering from anorexia, and 3. recovering from bulimia...

i've only started therapy about 6 weeks ago, so it is hard for me to think in terms of being totally recovered, "cured," or otherwise never having another destructive/disordered/not-normal thought about food or my body ever again. i often wonder "am i really going to get to a point when looking in the mirror doesn't make me feel this way? am i going to lose my dreams of losing weight and being thin? is it possible for me to feel good about myself at whatever my natural weight turns out to be?"
right now, i have no idea :) the important thing to me is that i've had six weeks of some good days, some bad days...and before that, 16 years of every day feeling sad, weak, sick, and overall just not good. this is enough for me! the bad days are still filled with the worst doubts about my body and myself, but on the good days i feel so strong and happy. even as hard as it is trying to get better, it is true that my life before finding help was much harder. just this little bit of progress is worth it :) i don't have to be totally, 100% recovered to feel better.
I can relate.... I am 36 and have dealt with ED on and off since I was 12. Sometimes I'll do good for several years and then something triggers ED again and the spiral begins. I really see it as (in my opinion) very similar to alcoholism or drug addiction. It is an unhealthy habit that isn't easy to stop. When it does "stop" the caution of it remains.
What I am (finally) learning about ED is that you have to control it, not let it control you. It sounds so easy, but as you know it isn't. It takes time, patience, faith.... Many of us with ED, when we feel we have lost control of life, we control our food. We need to do it in a more positive way... again, easier said than done.
Some positive things you can do for yourself are: More reading! lol It is excellent to keep learning about ED and what it can do to your mind and body. An EXCELLENT book is Nutrition Counseling in the Treatment of Eating Disorders by Marcia Herrin. Take time to spoil yourself... a bubblebath, a good book, funny movie, whatever. Keep pointing out the positive things about yourself to yourself. :D
I am finally ready to get rid of ED and get healthy.... but it does take time. Instead of turning my back and assuming the ED is under control (which is what I have done countless times in the past) I am going to learn about it; what triggers it and other ways I can handle those triggers, and I want to live!!! My heart health has given me a scare several times in the last couple years. Life can be a beautiful thing, if we just let it!
Hugs, Michelle
Whether or not you see it, there's a rainbow after every storm.
I think it depends on your definition of "cured". If by cured you mean when life gets rough your thought will never go in the direction of food, then no, you will never be cured. However, that is somewhat of a natural response in just about everybody I know. People talk about their 'comfort foods' and 'treating' themselves for a job well done with a favorite food, etc.
However, if by cured you mean that even though you might have and ED thought you will not give in, then yes, I believe you can be cured. My ED started when I was roughly 10 years old, maybe sooner. I started with a mild form of anorexia and later "discovered" bulimia. I went through school, college, jobs, my father's illness, and eventually my father's death by using my ED to deal with it. About 3 years ago I gave my life to God and that's when I started to recover. So I went from cycles of starvation, bingeing, and bingeing/purging to eating 6 meals a day. I went from exercising 2 hours a day 6 days a week to exercising 45 to 90 minutes 5 to 6 days a week. Sometimes I eat more than I want to but it's never a binge. When I do, my immediate reaction is to cut back the next day or skip breakfast, but then I don't. I tell myself I need to do the right thing and the right thing is to nourish my body. I have seen my automatic negative thoughts change to automatic positive thoughts most of the time. This didn't happen overnight and on its own, it took awareness, paying attention to my thoughts, and then actively changing them on a conscious level. I would automatically think "my legs are fat" and upon recognizing it would repeat in my head over and over "I have beautiful legs and I love my legs", even though I didn't believe it.
There is so much more that has improved in my life and there are so many changes I am noticing almost every day. I am not going to lie to you - none of it happened overnight and none of it was easy, but it was worth it. And if changes like this are possible then why wouldn't it get even better, provided I continue to work on it. I know as long as I keep giving it to God (or a Higher Power depending on what your beliefs are), I will be ok and I will continue to heal until it is not an issue for me anymore.
Just my 2.3 cents worth.
Love & hugs, Kristina
So although I don't have any advice, know that we're in the same boat. You are not alone!
Sherri
Sherri
expecting baby girl#4 on 9/9/09
mom to Savana (8), Trinity (5) and Miranda (3)