Half a box of low fat cheezits (trigs)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Half a box of low fat cheezits (trigs)
3
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 12:47pm
New to this board. A bit of history: I am 23, and I have lost 77 pounds since January 2003 and I am now 132 pounds and 5'6". Have kept it off. Still losing, but haven't lost any in 2 weeks which is freaking me out. Also diagnosed with Bipolar type II, OCD, severe anxiety. Currently taking Wellbutrin SR, Zoloft, and Ativan.

I have been visiting pro-ana sites this week, just discovered them actually on Monday. I printed out the tips and reasons not to eat and have taped them on my bedroom walls where I can read them from bed or the desk.

Still though, yesterday I came home from work and ate half a box of reduced fat cheez it's while I read a book. I don't remember tasting them. I can't stop thinking about it now. I went to ballet class last night and then came home and did a bunch of situps, pushups, and grand plies till my thighs were shaking. Yet I still feel extreme guilt and shame.

Worst of all, people are starting to notice my eating habits and my mom and grandma have told me they want me to stop losing weight. I keep telling them, wait till I am 122 pounds, then I will stop. They said, you told us that 10 pounds ago. When will I be satisfied with my weight?

I know this is all wrong and something's not right in my head. I know this is not healthy. I can't stop controlling my eating and don't want to anytime soon.

I guess I just wanted to know I am not alone in this thinking. How do you guys deal with it when you slip up and eat way too much of something? Most of all, just thanks for reading this post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2004
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 1:25pm





Edited 7/29/2004 2:15 pm ET ET by sapphire0702
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 1:33pm
hi hardrockgirl,

guess what...this probably isn't what you want to hear, but the best way to avoid eating half a box of cheezits is to eat normally and healthfully all the time. when i was restricting, i binged purely from hunger almost every time. after a couple weeks of trying to trust your body and eat when you are hungry, you probably will not find yourself eating like this anymore. i know where you're at right now...i spent a looooong time there too, and i know that fear that you won't be able to stop eating. right now, the reason you can't stop eating is because you tell yourself you're never having it again, and your body believes you. once you switch that around and your body learns it can have food again when you are hungry again, you will be able to stop.

visiting pro-ana sites and hanging tips and reasons to starve all over your walls isn't going to keep you from bingeing. i know, because i tried that to death. it just made me feel twice as crappy about myself when i "gave in" and had to eat. when i think about how i beat myself up just because i couldn't keep denying my natural, physical need for food, i get so angry now! i spent so much time feeling bad about myself, and all i was doing is feeding myself. so what? yeah, bodies need food, and so do brains! no wonder you have to eat eventually. all the tips and reasons in the world don't make a difference to your body and they aren't going to convince your brain that it can exist on a starvation diet forever. you will revisit that same half box of crackers over and over again until you stop starving yourself.

saying you'll stop when you hit a certain weight is a lie when you have an eating disorder. even when you get to that weight, you'll find something else to "fix" and you'll decide you need to lose more. that plan doesn't work either, and your family is right to be concerned.

try this: instead of thinking of ideas for avoiding eating, why don't you find reasons you should eat? one very good reason is that starvation diets destroy your metabolism, making it much easier to gain weight and much more likely that any weight gain will be fat, when you do evenutally eat. and you will ALWAYS have to eat eventually. another reason is that eating feels good. it feels a whole lot better than being hungry. eating will help you perform better in your dance classes. i can remember being so confused from restricting that i couldn't even figure out how to point and flex my foot in my dance classes. i certainly never want to feel like that again.

good luck. please keep posting here but realize you aren't going to get much help with ideas to make you better at starving here. we want you to get better, not worse *hugs*

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 10:51pm

Hi there,


You are definitely not alone and most of us if not all can relate to what you are going through - I know I can. At first the overeating part was really hard - physically and emotionally. Eventually it gets better and you learn to move forward rather than live in the past. And then you don't really have those overeating periods anymore. However, I would recommend (as with anybody) to get a good therapist. EDs are typically just a symptom of some deeper emotional issue that needs to be resolved.

Love & hugs, Kristina


The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.

Love & hugs, Kristina