Struggling/anyone else! May trigger!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Struggling/anyone else! May trigger!!
3
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 12:25am
Hi Everyone:

For the past days I have been struggling, I can't pinpoint why. I can't get my mine of Purging.

I have been in recovery for a while but ever once in a while I have strong urges! Does anyone else have those urges ever once in a while. My husband is losing weight and it is making me want to start some of my old behaviors. He needs to lose weight for health reasons but why does it have to trigger me? I haven't even told him how much I have been wanting to not eat or do something drastic buy those things we don't need just to start losing weight. I really need to shake this feeling! I tried to contact a new therapist and am looking for a sponsor. My old therapist has been great but she has gotten too close to me and now its hard for her to be diplomatic. We use to go to the same church.

Any suggestions please write I want to shake this feeling.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 7:26am

Hi Sue,


I am sorry you are struggling right now. Yes, I still do get ED thoughts at times, but not quite as bad as you are describing and mostly for me it's about restricting. But then I remind myself to 'do the right thing' and that would be to nourish my body (or keep the food down). When you get those thoughts, try to focus on doing the right thing and question what might be going on emotionally that would make you want to focus on food, eating, purging, etc.


Trying to find a good therapist sounds like a great idea. Although my recovery is pretty good right now, I continue to see my therapist at least every other week. There are times I think I have all my past issues worked out, and then we uncover something in a session. And finding a sponsor to work the 12 steps is awesome, too, in addition to finding a therapist. Check out this website http://www.olivebranchoutreach.com/

Love & hugs, Kristina

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 8:16am
Hi Kristine:

Thanks for replying. I love the Lord so much but why is it so hard to trust him for complete recovery. He is good and faithful and loves us unconditionally.

I know this will past. Thanks for hanging with me all these years when I was a CL and now. I appreciate your replys. I just want to get in complete recovery and never worry about the ED again. I am hoping to find a sponsor and I want to completely work the 12 steps. I am sorry I am talking so much guess I just need to Let go and Let God. I think I will read the book you are reading.

Thanks Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 2:29pm
I was in a similar situation once. I was dating a guy who had lost a large amount of weight, but he still thought that he was fat. He was originally 190 lbs at 6'2", and after he lost weight, he was a sickly 155 lbs at the same height. He exercised all the time and watched what he ate like crazy. It drove me nuts, and made me start some of my old eating disorder behaviors. He would always say things like, "If you buy me clothes, make sure that you don't get me anything with horizontal stripes because they make me look fat," even though he was way too thin. He looked better when he weighed more, and I would try to remind myself that, but it was still really hard because I wanted to have the satisfaction of losing a large amount of weight like he had. I'm not dating him anymore, and for the most part, I've been feeling much better. I'm definitely NOT saying that you should divorce your husband over this, so please don't think that! I realize that he is probably losing weight for health reasons. My ex-boyfriend was just sick. I honestly think that he was anorexic, and it made me want to be anorexic again, too.

I'm really sorry that I don't have any advice for you, but I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. I wish you all the best! Please feel free to e-mail me if you want or need to talk more.