Soo afraid of gaining weight!! (TRIGGER)
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Soo afraid of gaining weight!! (TRIGGER)
| Tue, 08-10-2004 - 10:51pm |
Sorry, I know this will sound dumb, but I am becoming soooo afraid of being "fat" I couldnt even imagine it!! I NEVER want to be considered overweight, or even normal weight for that matter. I have been gaining some weight latly and I have no idea why! I am acually eating much less than I was, and I havent ate like any "junk food" this summer! So, of course when I started to gain weight I freaked out! I feel like it is so out of control and im just going to keep gaining!!! Like it will never stop until I'm huge!! I can't stand being close to a normal weight, my life goal is pretty much to always be underweight! I know, stupid huh? Im sooo scared of gaining weight, I know this is a problem and I should get help, but there's no way I could tell my parents, i would feel like such a failure!!

Sweetie, you are NOT stupid and you are NOT a failure. If you were, for the reasons you mentioned, then we all would be stupid and failures. I may not participate in all my anorexic or bulimic behaviours any more, but I don't want to gain weight either. The difference is that I don't let those thoughts scare me anymore and that's what I would recommend you try to work on. Instead of letting all those negative thoughts control your mind, "actively" think positive thoughts. If you "think" you are going to gain weight, then of course you will feel afraid.
But there is more to it than that. IF you really are gaining weight then your body probably needs to. From your post I assume you are below normal weight right now. Also, the less you eat, the more your metabolism will slow down and the more your weight loss (since your life goal is being undeweight) will be stalled. Your body is an amazing 'machine' that adapts to its circumstances. We tend to think the less we eat the more we'll loose, but eventually your body knows it needs to slow down. You need to start eating.
Please remind me (again if you have done so already) how old you are...if you don't mind?! I understand not wanting to tell your parents, but eventually you will have to. If you can't right now, maybe there is some other way you can get help. Honey there is SO much more to life than being thin, or thinner than everybody else. Right now this may seem unattainable, but when you finally let go and eat normal meals and keep them down, it is so incredibly liberating and wonderful. Please, please get help. You can send me an email at kotabuddy@yahoo.com if you don't feel comfy posting your age and stuff here. I will try to come up with some ideas on what you can do for your recovery. You shouldn't be going through this by yourself - it is way too hard - and the board alone is not enough. This is great for additional support and talking to people who can relate to what you are goign through, but you need a lot more than that. If you haven't done so already, start by going to our communit web page (link above) and also to www.somethingfishy.org.
Please reply and let me know how you are doing today.
Love & hugs, Kristina
The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.
Love & hugs, Kristina