Daughter refusing to eat or drink!
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Daughter refusing to eat or drink!
| Sun, 08-15-2004 - 11:11am |
I have a 25 yr. old married daughter that is currently in a locked mental unit. She is "gravely disabled"-refusing to eat or drink. She has been dealing with eating disorders for at least 5 years and also has major depression. This is her 6th hospitalization. I am very scared this time because she is going days without eating. She has had IVs twice this week in two different hospitals. She has a marriage that is not good and doesn't have her child because her husband doesn't keep jobs long enough to provide for him. My only grandchild is with the other grandmother and we do not get to see him. I don't know what the hospital/unit is going to do. I guess she has to go to court most likely this week (again) and they will tell her she has to eat, probably by a tube? I love her so much and am afraid I am going to lose this sweet, beautiful person and I feel like I can't do anything for her. Oh yes, she does not talk any more. She is shut down into like a catatonic state.
Any advice? Thanks. D.D.

From my perspective as someone who has lived with an eating disorder for the past 9 years and been hospitalized 3 different times in the past, I think the best thing that you could possibly do is simply *be present* in your daughter's life: i.e. make it clear how much you love her, be there on a physical level to hold her, run your fingers through her hair, feel the softness of her breath and skin, look at baby pictures/pictures of your daughter when she was healthy/life was good, read to her and, most importantly, demand/expect *nothing* in return except the wonderful person that she is. As much as I know how scary of a time this is for both of you, being forceful, pushy and "controlling" will only work against you and your daughter will become even more unresponsive. I really believe that offering unconditional love and support is the best prescription for healing and recovery. Unfortunately, your daughter is the only person who can ultimately decide whether or not she wants to turn her life around and oust the eating disorder from her life, however, rest assured that your love, attention and physical "presence" can and will play an extremely pivotal role. I think The Beatles were on to something when they came out with "All You Need Is Love." Please keep me posted and let me know if I can be of any additional help/insight. All the best to you and your daughter...
D.D.
I am so sorry to hear this. This must be tearing you up inside. I am 25 myself, unmarried and without a child (unless you count my two dogs). I know, for me, that I am struggling more than I care to be with my ED. I was anorexic when I was 13-17, received treatment, stayed better for 5.5 years, got into a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship… and became bulimic. I truthfully never thought I would see myself in this position EVER again, but here I am - one week after my 25th birthday, and binging and purging and in therapy.
I know what I am doing is KILLING my parents. They are incredibly worried about me. In some ways that makes me want to get better. I know there are TONS of people out there that are incredibly worried about me right now and want nothing more than to see me get better… but in another way, that causes my ED to thrive. It’s a catch 22. If I am sick, people will want to love me, care for me, take care of me… etc. And I think came to a point in my life where I was taking care of everyone else and not myself. All I want to do is curl up at my parents and be taken care of. I am sick of being an adult and having all this responsibility thrust upon me. So the sicker I appear, the more attention I receive and the happier that makes me feel… of course this is a horrible thought process and I know I should not continue it… which is why I am now in therapy twice a week and started Prozac 2 weeks ago.
Of course there are underlying problems too… and this is just my stupid way of dealing.
I think the previous post is right, all I want right now is my “mommy”. At 25… all I want is my mommy… and I think she wants her mommy too. Mothers and daughters have strange relationships sometimes. It is hard to explain a relationship between mothers and daughters all the time. I never realized how much I wanted my mom to be in my life until just recently when I have been dealing with this ED. I fought tooth and nail all through HS and most of my college years to push myself from her as far as possible. I didn’t want to be like her, or hang out with her, or talk to her, or anything at all that had to do with her… but now I realize I pushed too far and I need her. Your daughter needs you too.
Hugs and prayers, Michelle
Hi,
Love & hugs, Kristina