my living sisuation

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2004
my living sisuation
6
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 11:07am
Hi I'm getting real scared I haven't ate in days and I don't want to tell anyone. Because stuff comes down on me. I'm litering starving myself because of my living sisuation. I tried talking to my mom she does not want to hear it nowby does they start crying when I bring it up. that I have an eating disorder. I have no time for myself somebody is always here. I heard my daughters boyfriend talking to a friend about me and it was not good. I'm not doing a good job taking care of my kids right now my daughter is pregnaunt and only 17 that is feeding my eating disorder. I don't like her boyfriend I think he's a slob he won't do anything. How do I tell my daughter that she deserves better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 1:36pm
whoo, violet, i know a little bit about how you feel. my younger sister got pregnant very young. at first, all i could do was cry. the situation seemed hopeless, and then the fellow left her, and she got a new boyfriend who was VERY lazy and useless, in my opinion anyway. she had the baby, he's healthy and strong and happy, and makes all of our lives so much better! i'm sure it seems horrid right now, because your daughter is so young.

about how to talk to your daughter...well, i'm definitely not an expert there. i tried talking to my sister about her boyfriend several times, and each time we ended up arguing (once she even put me out of the car and left me in the rain...in winter...40 miles away from home!). eventually she figured it out on her own and dumped him. it just took almost 2 years. but it did eventually happen that she realized he wasn't the greatest thing ever.

it might be a good idea to talk to your daughter about what you overheard her boyfriend saying. you could tell her that if he talks badly about you, it makes you feel uncomfortable about his ability to treat her well. maybe don't be pushy, just hug her and tell her you love her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:17pm
Thanks hemmy today we go see what the baby is and he's going with us I just want to go just me and her. also ever sence they talked about me. I haven't ate and I'm not going to eat the heart dr wants to see and put me in the hospital and tube feed me. Or send it home with me through home health care. I don't want that either To tell you the truth I rather die. violet
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 4:58pm

I'm so sorry that you're going through such a hard time right now.


It's really too bad that your daughter is dealing with all this too. I hope you guys have a heart warming experience seeing the baby for the first time.


Does your daughter know how you feel about her boyfriend? We all want those we love to be with someone who will love them and treat them well, but we can't make their decisions for them. You can let your daughter know that you're concerned, but ultimately she makes this decision. And now there's a precious baby in the picture that makes it that much more complicated.


Hurting yourself over this isn't going to make the situation better, but I know that you know that. I'm praying that you take care of yourself, sweetie. That baby is going to need her grandma strong and healthy.


We're here for you whenever you need someone to talk to. (((HUGS)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 8:17pm
aw Violet, i know that feeling! the immediate response "i'm not going to eat" when you're faced with something painful.

does thinking about the baby help at all? sometimes i think to myself "what will my nephew think of me? doesn't he need to see strong, healthy women as he grows up? i do want to be strong enough to chase him around and have fun with him. i want him to enjoy being in my house and spending time around me." sometimes that pulls me through a hard day. right now, maybe this doesn't work because the baby isn't actually *here,* but once the baby is born and wriggling around with it's own personality, i think you could find that the baby is a reason to eat and get better.

i wish i knew what to say! i want to encourage you to listen to your doctors and do what they ask of you, of course. i completely believe that the fastest way to feel less depressed and more hopeful when you are starving is to eat something. the difference in my moods today compared to the way i felt 5 months ago is pretty amazing to me. you will definitely feel less confused. this is frightening and difficult but you need food to live! your life is important. i like hearing from you here on the message boards and i want you to stick around. i want to know which sex is the baby :)

there are very good, fun, loving things in life that are too pleasant to miss out on. it's worth it to live.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 1:58pm
Well guys we saw the baby and it's a boy and he looks good every thing is all there. I'm a little more happy for her. Her boyfriend didn't seem so excited i'm worried. maybe it's nothing it just seems like he dosen't want a baby he still want's to be a kid and do nothing and that's what I worry about. well I gotto go watch one life to live see ya jodee
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 7:07pm
It's so hard to watch our kids make mistakes but we have to let them m ake mistakes so that they'll learn from them. Unfortunately they don't learn anything from the mistakes that we made that we tell them about. I know it's tough but the best thing you can do is to let your daughter know that you will always be there for her.There's nothing you can do right now to make her see this guy as he is, it's got to come in her own time. It doesn't sound like he'll be there for the long haul as it is. That's a good thing, be sure that your daughter realizes she doesn't need a man in order to be happy. There are many successful and happy single mother's out there today. This guy will likely be bailing out once he sees what life is like with a baby in the house and it sounds like your daughter will be better off without him. Don't ever forget that the real victim in this will be the innocent baby who never asked to be born. That precious child deserves to have a loving grandmother to watch over him. Your daughter and this baby are going to need you. Do whatever it takes to get well so that you'll be up to the task, let their need for you motivate your recovery. That baby is going to give you many years of joy, you have so much to look forward to if you think about it. Best wishes.