How are some people so strong??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
How are some people so strong??
2
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 4:30pm
My friend's mother died last week, and I went to the funeral home to see her. I was really nervous about it, but everything went all right. Her mother died really suddenly, and it was totally unexpected. I just called my friend today because I knew that she would want a few days to just be with her family. She is doing really well, and I don't understand how she is holding up so well. She said that she doesn't think she's going to go to counseling or take anti-depressants. Her family is really large and they have always been really close. She was very open with me on the phone, and I just can't get over how strong she is. I'm currently taking anti-depressants, and I feel like I can barely get from one day to the next, and I'm not even going through anything particularly tragic right now. Does anyone else know someone like my friend who is just incredibly strong and capable? What else can I do to support her in the following weeks? I'm going back to college soon, but I can definitely call her and write to her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 6:55am

Hi Stardoll,


I am not sure how your friend does it, but for me it's having God in my life. Before I did, my life was a mess. I was going back and forth between anorexia and bulimia, I got into abusive relationships, I tried anti-depressants, etc. and now my life is balanced. I certainly have my bad days, but they are not nearly as bad as before and I am typically pretty calm about things.


Your friend may also be going through different stages of grief and just not be able to fully acknowledge what is going on right now. The first stage of grief is typically denial - I am not saying that is what is happening to her, but it's a possibility.


Things will get better for you as well, but you need to get some help. Do look for a counselor when you go back to college. If you find one you feel comfortable with it will make a huge difference in your life and how you feel about yourself and in general.


And I think that calling your friend and writing to her is the best you can do once you are gone. Just be there for her, keep reminding her that you are available to listen, talk, let her vent or cry, etc. and simply ask her what she needs from you.

Love & hugs, Kristina


The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.

Love & hugs, Kristina

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 1:56pm
She has been such a great friend to me over the years. I wish that I could just fix everything for her, you know? It breaks my heart to see other people in pain because although I'm not in their exact situations, I know what it's like to be hurting. I think you are right about the stages of grief. My friend told me that she doesn't think the fact that her mom is dead has even really sunk in yet. She's a very open person, though, and she's always been pretty emotional. The rest of her family is the same way. I know that they will all be really open with each other, and that they will all support each other. I know that the best thing I can do is to be there for me whenever she needs me, but I just wish that I could change what happened, you know?