Not getting any help from husband
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Not getting any help from husband
| Mon, 08-30-2004 - 6:21pm |
When I met my (now husband) I was completely honest about my disease and explained to him that it was VERY important for me to stay healthy. He seemed very understanding and helped me to balance eating and exercise to stay healthy. He helped me to not even bother buying "trigger" foods and acted as if he understood that I have a "recovery" lifestyle that I will have to continue forever if I want to stay healthy. WELL..... shortly after we married, it seems that slowly (very slowly) but surely it has gotten put to the back burner (my recovery). He has (over the past 7 yrs) gone from helping to completely unhelpful and hindering my disease. He has gained weight (which I don't care about) but it is like he feels guilty for not being able to control his weight that the only thing that makes him feel better is to get me to eat with him. I don't want to go down that path because it will eventually end up hurting me alot more than him. I don't mind if he doesn't exercise with me or eat healthy but I don't want him to expect me to go "down" with him. It has been a constant issue for most of our marriage. It has gotten so bad now, that I feel like if I don't get him to change his ways, i am going to have to leave. I feel guilty for thinking that because of our kids. But...I keep slipping and getting back on the recovery "horse" and am tired of it. I am struggling to stay healthy and it gets harder and harder because he is not only NOT helping anymore, but he is hindering my health. What do i do? I have gone to therapy, we have gone to therapy and nothing changes. Do I stay with him and just HOPE that I can deal with him?

Hi Sweetie,
That does sound like a tough situation, especially if you have gone to therapy together. How long did you go and are you still going? As long as the issue persists, I would probably not stop counseling.
It actually sounds like your husband has his own issues around food. Most people do actually but they either don't realize it or don't want to admit it. So try to keep in mind how hard EDs are to deal with and that he probably can't control it. Much like us, he might have some emotional issue that is actually driving his compulsion to overeat.
Do you think he would be willing to go to Overeater's Anonymous with you? Have you asked him if he thinks he has a problem with food? If so, how does he respond.
I do hope you can work things out, not just for your children's sake, but also your own. Please keep us posted.
Love & hugs, Kristina
The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.
Love & hugs, Kristina