Eating with my friends...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Eating with my friends...
2
Fri, 09-03-2004 - 10:30am
The group of girls that I hang around with eat a lot of junk food. They are constantly trying to get me to eat ice cream, cookies, etc. I've been pretty good at resisting or only eating the stuff in moderation so far, but sometimes it's hard to keep telling them no. Does anyone have any suggestions for what I can tell them about why I don't want to eat junk food all the time? I'm afraid that if I eat junk food all the time, I'll go back to my bulimic behavior. I really don't want to do that. I haven't made myself throw up in over two years, and I definitely don't want to start again. I will admit that I've had some problems lately with skipping meals and not eating much, but I'm trying to get better. Thanks for reading!
Avatar for sherri51296
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-03-2004 - 8:40pm
Hi Stardoll,

I don't know if this will help, but if you keep saying no and maybe choosing some healthier snack options like fruit and veggies, after a little while all these new friends will just accept that you only eat healthy food and they will stop offering you the junk stuff. It just takes time for new friends to get to know each other, but I promise you that if you are consistent (and gracious), they will just accept that as a part of who you are. Of course we both know that acting healthy on the outside doesn't make us healthy on the inside. I struggle with that all the time...the hypocrisy of it all. Everyone I know, except for a select few that I have confided in, thinks that I am extremely fit and healthy. If they only knew I was sticking my finger down my throat every other day.

Something that my husband has told me that has helped put things in perspective for me is that nobody CARES what you look like. It may sound harsh, but it's true. What people care about is WHO you are. If you think about it, you probably have good friends who aren't perfect looking, and do you care? Or do you care about what kind of friend they are? Who they are. I know that hearing this doesn't automatically make you stop thinking about your weight and looks (it hasn't for me), but it is at least something to think about. If someone comments how skinny you are, who is even to say that they consider that to be a compliment? It doesn't mean they like you more, only that they think you are skinny. I just had a conversation with a friend yesterday who was commenting that a mutual friend has gotten so skinny she doesn't look good. And normal people don't think that is a good thing. I always think that I would love to be one of those people that others are whispering about because I am so thin, but the truth is that it really doesn't matter. It only matters what kind of person I am, and that's what I am trying to focus on. I'm not succeeding in this yet, but I am not giving up. The only thing keeping me from b/p lately is that I am scared to death my teeth are going to grow more cavities (I had some in Feb.)...and not only is that bad, but my dentist is my brother-in-law, and I CAN'T allow someone in the family to know about this.

Anyway, good luck Stardoll, and my advice is to eat those healthy snacks and concentrate on making real friends by being the kind of friend you would like to have.

Hugs, Sherri

Sherri
expecting baby girl#4 on 9/9/09
mom to Savana (8), Trinity (5) and Miranda (3)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2004
Fri, 09-03-2004 - 9:55pm
hey stardoll,

I definately feel your pain -- I'm going through a lot of the same stuff. I had to be hospitalized for a month this summer because of my eating disorder (restrictive bulimia). I'm at a better place now in my recovery, but I'm still so afraid that I might do something to sabotage it. I'm a freshman in college, so I'm trying to get out and meet people, but I still feel awkward because so much of it seems to revolve around food. I was invited to eat dinner at my faculty advisor's house; she served ice cream for dessert (my biggest trigger). I was so scared. I ended up picking at it because I was too afraid to eat it.

I also have to follow the meal plan I was given in in-patient (or my parents will pull me out of college), which means eating specific amounts and types of food at specific times. Essentially, I have to eat six meals a day, and always make sure I have the right amounts of proteins, carbs, veggies, fats, starches, etc.

I feel really bad about it, but the easiest thing for me to do has been to lie to everyone I meet about it. I tell them I'm hypoglycemic and have to follow a special meal plan. I also throw in that snacking outside of my meal plan could throw my metabolism off and that wouldn't be very much fun. Everyone has been really understanding (ironic, isn't it, considering what they "understand" is all made up), and I've made it through my first few weeks of school with no purging! I still feel just horrible about lying.

Good luck with your friends. Always trust your gut (instict, that is) -- if something feels like it might be a trigger, don't test yourself! Knowing your limitations is a huge sign of strength.

lots o' love,

meg