Things have changed...but still lost...
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Things have changed...but still lost...
| Fri, 09-03-2004 - 8:52pm |
Well, last weekend was by brother's wedding, which was the goal I've been striving toward all summer and which has escalated my bulemia to new heights. I was a bridesmaid and scared to death I wouldn't fit in the dress. I had ordered my old size when I was still pregnant and didn't get to try it on until 2 days before the wedding, so I had become outrageously obsessive compulsive about my diet, with some b/p to help deal with the junk food cravings. OK, so we went to the wedding...and I fit in the dress. But like a glove. No extra room in that dress. I admit I looked pretty good, but I was uncomfortable because it was tight. For the first time I purged a couple of my regular meals because I was so worried about being as thin as possible for the actual wedding. Then the wedding came and went (it was very nice and lots of fun)...and here I am with no goal. I'm not sure how I feel. I have a relaxed a bit on my diet and so far haven't b/p all week, but I think about it all the time. Before the wedding I had actually gone to the grocery store and bought food specifically for b/p. I have thought about doing that often this week, but have so far resisted. I don't see my new therapist until the 14th. I know that having a goal is what makes me obsessive, but it also motivates me. It's almost like I want to have a goal just so I can justify have a good old b/p. I crave that yummy food and I get a great deal of satisfaction of eating as much as I want to of it and then purging it so I don't have the consequence of it in my diet.
I guess this is just a "journal entry" about how I'm feeling. But if anyone has any thoughts/advice, I'd love to hear it.
Hugs, Sherri

I am tired so please excuse anything stupid I write, lol.
Oy! I have had issues with binging lately but not purging. On the 7th I have an appointment scheduled with a new therapist. I haven't seen a therapist, other than for an intake, for around 5 months {{{nervous}}}.
Super proud of you for saying you looked good at the wedding (((thumbs up)))!
And proud of you for resisting since you bought that food. Please keep resisting.
Keep posting/journaling. Oh, I can relate to the goal issue too hon.
Hugs, Michelle
Hi Sherri,
I agree with Michelle - way to go on saying you look good.
Seeing a new therapist can bring up anxiety and thoughts of diving into bad habits. Try to stay busy, post here, talk to a friend, what ever it takes to resist. And most of all try not to beat yourself up if you are not doing things perfectly. :)
Love & hugs, Kristina
The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.
Love & hugs, Kristina