Just plum sick of being a bulimic

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Just plum sick of being a bulimic
3
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 6:14pm
Hey Ladies,



I been part of this chat on and off for the last 2 years. I been fighting bulimia for about the same time. I can't even remember why I started, how I felt about doing it, but the only thing I do remember is when my friend found out (she was in the hospital for a month on life support bc of her ED).. she told me, I better stop before I couldnt and to get help. It is so funny how 2 years later it is the only thing I can remember.

I have been through a lot in my life from an abusive father mentally and physically, an aloholic mother, got into drugs for a year and half and was able to do get out and do it without therapy and now I am getting sick of being so concerned about what goes in my mouth, how much, when and how long I gotta work out for, how much I need to throw up, cleaning up all the evidence, being moody, and just plum hating myself.

I know I need a game plan and how to beat off tiggers. Right now, I have noticed that my main tigger is not being able to sit down, relax and do nothing. I have to be doing something if I am not then I go crazy. So, my biggest problem is when I come home from work and before my finacee gets home. It's such a cycle I get into and I know if I figured a way to break it and made it through the few days into the following week.. I really know I could over come this and not be "trapped".

Unfortantely, I do not have insurance to get a therapist or even the extra money to spend on it. I have a lot of determination and I think for once some confidence in actually getting this accomplished.

I have survived so much and I do not want to throw more of my time away on this idea that I am obese, with no control on my eating. For the last month I have started to realize that I am starting to second guess myself about heading into the kitchen for food and eating larger amounts.. then heading to the bathroom its like I am realizing that I gotta change before something happens to me that I can't change.

I hoping that maybe I could find some support and ideas on how to overcome this. I hope all is going well. Wish you all a great week..



m

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 7:00am

Hi M,


It does sound like you have been through quite a bit in your life and you sound like a strong person. I think the fact that you are are tired of being bulimic is awesome and a great step toward recovery. However, I do think that beating this on your own will be tough. There are counselors available on a sliding fee scale and some churches have counselors free - you don't have to be a member. I would at least look around.


For now is it possible for you to come home the same time your fiancee gets home? Could you spend time with a friend, go to an internet cafe, go shopping, take an art class, etc.? Or could you talk to your fiancee and let him know what is going on? You may want to open up to him before you get married.


There are also some group meetings you can look into and possibly go to while your fiancee is not home. Check out www.eatingdisordersanonymous.org, www.overeatersanonymous.org, and www.celebraterecovery.com for meetings in your area. Another great resource is www.somethingfishy.org.


I hope you will be able to figure things out and find help. Let us know how you are holding up.

Love & hugs, Kristina


The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.

Love & hugs, Kristina

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2004
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 10:48am

Hi! I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone and that you're doing a wonderful thing by trying to get yourself healthy!


I go stir crazy too... maybe its a common thread in bulimics, I don't know. I try to keep myself as busy as possible. From the time I get off work I run errands, go to the gym, or visit friends. When my BF gets home, we make dinner together, and enjoy our evenings together. I just have to keep myself busy so I don't head into the kitchen.


I also keep NO TRIGGER foods in the house. No extra food either. I plan my meals and snacks on Sunday, go grocery shopping, and don't buy extra snack foods to have around. I know that if I have a bag of chips or a box of crackers, I'll just eath them. So I keep them out. My BF obviously is a big supporter in this idea. He plans his meals and snacks out too, and I don't eat them because I know if I do, he'll go hungry. And I don't want that.


I hope this board helps you. Definately check out www.somethingfishy.org. I love that site.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
Sat, 09-11-2004 - 3:09pm
Hello you!

You've already taken the first step into a healthy new life by posting here... I'm really glad for you!

It is not easy to fight bulimia but definitely doable. There are people who do that on their own, but they gotta be strong. You seem like a strong person to me, and I believe in you.

Is there a friend who can support you?

Or maybe your fiancee?

Find somebody who you trust with all your heart and ask this person to help you. You will have to learn how to eat right without feeling guilty about yourself. You will have to learn how much exercise is good for you and how much is too much.

Go jogging with a friend or fiancee and enjoy the fresh air outside. Afterwards do something relaxing, like listening to music, reading something,...

Just to get the feeling of not doing anything just relaxing. It will be differnt, but you will learn how to enjoy that.

Buy yourself some books where you can find out everything about eating healthy. Try to see your body as a great gift which deserves to be treaten a lot better.

Start a diary and write down everything. What you eat, how much you exercised, how you feel, your goals in life,...

Put your whole energy into fighting bulimia, and you'll see you'll succeed.

I wish you all the best!!!

Love,

Ina