Hi I'm new here

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2004
Hi I'm new here
1
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 7:22am

Hi I am new here, I belong to a couple of other boards but just found this one tonight. I was borderline anorexic many years ago, I have a different problem now. I am seriously overweight and can't seem to get control. Tonight I took a laxative after using an enema just to try and clean some of this fat out of my body. I was also having a self dialoge about whether I could go back to psyching myself into not eating. I wasn't sure if a fat over eater would be welcome here. I have been trying to quit smoking for over 2 months and I got so down tonight I said to heck with it and smoked rather than eating. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror and my dh tries to be supportive and says my weight doesn't matter but I know it does. Every place I've looked for advice and support says the same thing diet and exercise blah blah which I know is true but how do you get started? I really hate myself since I was a very fat kid and put myself and my body through hell to lose the weight and swore I'd never get fat again. So here I am 46 in perimenopause depressed and ready to just give up. I live an almost totally isolated life. My dh is a Viet Nam vet with PTSD and is not very functional and I also have PTSD and other various mental issues combine that with mood swings and agoraphobia and you have not much of a life. We have no friends and have lived here 3 years. I see one of my sons about once a month and the closest things to friends I have are my therapist and the libraian. When I look at myself I get so disgusted I can't stand it. Anyway thanks for listening to me. Mo

 

Maureen/Mo

If this was a real life it would have come with instructions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 1:32pm
Hi Mo...I don't normally post here...I did about 2 years ago though...but something told me to come here and I'm glad I did...I could have almost written your post...I'm 34 years old...and 2 years ago was losing weight like crazy! I've now gained about 25 pounds back and am totally disgusted with myself! I'm also in perimenopause, yes, at 34. I have Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, among other things and have only mostly online friends, though I CHERISH and LOVE everyone of them. I had quit smoking some time ago, though during my last hospitalization a month ago, I started again and haven't bothered to quit. I want SO MUCH to "psych" myself into NOT EATING again...and am taking diet pills, though they aren't working, they aren't any good. I plan on getting some good ones, or at least better ones this weekend. My husband is wonderful to me...and like yours, says the weight doesn't matter to him either, but it KILLS ME. I'm going to get it off again one way or another! Hope that doesn't trigger anyone reading this post. But I'm so serious. I can't take it anymore. Anyway, Mo, my DH stays home ALL the time. So we have no interaction with anyone either. I do come to work, but have no friends here. My best real life friend moved away over a year and a half ago. I made 2 friends in the hospital, but haven't seen them since I got out a month ago. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know you weren't alone. I hear you!

Love,

Keli