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| Fri, 09-10-2004 - 7:22am |
Hi I am new here, I belong to a couple of other boards but just found this one tonight. I was borderline anorexic many years ago, I have a different problem now. I am seriously overweight and can't seem to get control. Tonight I took a laxative after using an enema just to try and clean some of this fat out of my body. I was also having a self dialoge about whether I could go back to psyching myself into not eating. I wasn't sure if a fat over eater would be welcome here. I have been trying to quit smoking for over 2 months and I got so down tonight I said to heck with it and smoked rather than eating. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror and my dh tries to be supportive and says my weight doesn't matter but I know it does. Every place I've looked for advice and support says the same thing diet and exercise blah blah which I know is true but how do you get started? I really hate myself since I was a very fat kid and put myself and my body through hell to lose the weight and swore I'd never get fat again. So here I am 46 in perimenopause depressed and ready to just give up. I live an almost totally isolated life. My dh is a Viet Nam vet with PTSD and is not very functional and I also have PTSD and other various mental issues combine that with mood swings and agoraphobia and you have not much of a life. We have no friends and have lived here 3 years. I see one of my sons about once a month and the closest things to friends I have are my therapist and the libraian. When I look at myself I get so disgusted I can't stand it. Anyway thanks for listening to me. Mo

Love,
Keli