Can't see a difference *trigger*

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Can't see a difference *trigger*
5
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 2:01pm
I'm just having a really rough week. I've only lost about eight pounds since I started college, but I can't see any difference, and I just feel kind of crappy about myself. My parents and my grandma came up to visit on Saturday, and they didn't notice any difference, so I must still be fat. My mom would probably like me to get thinner anyway. My friends eat so much food, and it's so hard to sit there and watch them eating all the time. I watched them all eat 3 toasted cheese sandwiches EACH yesterday while I ate low fat granola cereal. I don't understand how they can eat like that and not care. It must be nice. I'm sorry that this post is so negative. I just feel so horrible about myself right now, and I guess that I just needed to vent. Thanks for reading.

~Reba

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 9:00pm

Hi Reba,


I know you may not be ready to hear this, but the more you restrict, the slower your metabolism will be. In the end you will burn muscle which may be what is happening right now. Muscle tissue

Love & hugs, Kristina

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 10:31am
Kristina,

Thanks for replying to me. I know that what you are saying is true, but I just get this really bad feeling whenever I think about eating normally. It is about losing weight, but it's also about control, and I realize that. I know this is terrible, but I sort of like watching my friends eat so much food because it makes me feel superior because they are eating more than me and they are bigger than I am. It's ridiculous, but I feel like I am taking the moral high ground or something. I'm sorry that I keep posting here and complaining about myself. It just helps so much to talk to all of you ladies.

~Reba

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 10:08pm

Hi Reba,


Please do not feel bad or apologize for posting here. That is what the board is here for and I am glad that it helps you to talk to the other women. It's always nice to know that there are others struggling with the same or similar issues and that you are not alone. Don't take my comments on finding a therapist, etc. the wrong way...it's kind of my "job" and I am just trying to keep pointing you in the right direction. But that doesn't mean you can't post again if you haven't gone to a therapist. :)


Feeling superior because you are eating less and are thinner than your friends is not uncommon. I still have feeling like that and then have to bring myself back down to the real world. I am not better

Love & hugs, Kristina

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 11:17am


I am going to share with you what my therpist shared with me just last night..

we are all different we all have different body shapes sizes metabolism ect..

My best friend eats alot more than me plays softball with an unisex leagu and she looks thinner than me even though I weigh less than her you wanna know why cause here genetic makeup is different than mine just like your friends are different than you..

I am the same way that you are I tell my therapist last night that I am hardly eating that I vomit small ammounts of food I am barely eating 500 calories a day and I still feel huge..even though in reality I am small I know that I am small but when I look t myself I see a house and thatis not good..

The thing is that we all are different we al have different sizes and shapes I kmow that it is hard to see when you have this illness I and we all know that too well.

the thing is in order to get better we have got to want to get better. me I am just not ready yet I am not ready to give up this stuff I have not accepted myself yet as is I know that I cant live this way forever I know that but in order o give it up seems to hard right now..

Wanna know something else?

My therapist also suffered from an eating disorder she is recovered now she told me that when she was restricting her calories and what not she was bigger than she is now she was a size 12 since she went into recovery and learned what to eat and what not to eat and how to work out in moderation she is now a size 4-6 and that is from eating I thought she was lieing but she wasnt...

Now me I am a size 3-5 that is too big for me I was a size 0 last year and to be this size freaks me out and I go in and out of vomiting and restricting but I never binge..

I know that sounds odd but the thing is I cant eat any food as of now for I will vomit at the least ammount of food in my body..

Sorry I am talking about me I just wanted you to know that I know how it feels to be this way all the ladies here know what it is like ..

Are you in counseling for an eatinf disorder?

if not i would look into it..

Best of luck to you

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 5:07pm
Kristina,

Thanks for replying to me. I understand how you feel about the counseling, and sometimes I wish that I felt comfortable going, but I really don't yet. I would be willing to look into it, though. Luckily, it doesn't cost anything because I'm a student at the college. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't be able to go because I would need my parents to pay for it, and I would have to tell them about how I feel about myself. I don't ever want them to know. They never notice when anything is different with me anyway - like, they never notice if I'm really depressed or if I've lost weight.

I'm really embarrassed about feeling superior to my friends because I am smaller and eat less. I keep thinking, "Well, if they would just eat less, they wouldn't be so big." I'm ashamed of myself for judging someone else like that. I know that it's wrong and that I'd feel horrible if I thought that someone was thinking that way about me.

Love,

*Reba*