Messed up big time *TRIGGER*
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Messed up big time *TRIGGER*
| Thu, 09-16-2004 - 11:21pm |
I lost control tonight and ate a little bit of junk food, and I made myself throw up. I haven't thrown up in over two years, and I can't believe that I just did it again. I know that I should probably be ashamed and embarrassed about it, but I just feel really empty and numb right now. I'm more upset that I lost control and ate the junk food. It wasn't even any good - it was stale! I could hear the girls across the hall from the bathroom talking because their door was open while I was throwing up, and it gave me the biggest high. I know that's really stupid, but I just felt like I could do this and have the comfort of hearing people around, but not get caught. I know that probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
~Reba

I know that bulimia is usually a secretive disease but I also know people who have expressed a high from it also..the power the control it can be addictive hence why it is a disease..
I have a thing where I am not eather bulimic or anorexic I am a cross of the two I will eat a small amount of food such as 3 pretzels then run into the bathroom and vomit it all up..and if I cant get it allout I cry and whine cause I feel guilt for eating..
But I am looking into support groups right now I know that I have a problem it is ust deciding to let it all go to try to be okay and to not have this illness anymore..
I think the worse food I eat is Pizza I am so addicted to pizza and I feel really bad when I eat it so out it goes I only eat it like once a month if that but when I do I eat a whole pie myself talk about a binge sometimes I keep it in sometimesI get it out depends on my mood..
the thing is if you have not thrown up in a long time (2 years) then thatis great awesome if you can try to not eat junk food that would be better for you that way you dont have the want to purge it all out..
is there something treally intence going on in your life that is making oyu resort to this behavior again?
~Reba