I HATE food!! (Trigger)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
I HATE food!! (Trigger)
2
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 11:59pm
Im so frusterated!! I hate food!! It seems like everywhere I go there is food!! Why??? I used to like going to school b/c i didnt have food around me all day, but now im in nutrition class and we eat all the time. It makes me so upset. Then this week it was my b-day and my brother and my dads, so of course we had to go out to eat, plus cake!! ahh!!!I wish all the food around me would just disappear. I guess I just always feel sooo tempted. I have gotten a lot better over the years, i used to eat anything that was offered to me. I also hate my nutrition class. They sometimes talk about losing weight and like ppl. being overweight and it makes me feel so uncomforitable. In my school it is soo looked down on if you are overweight, its terrible it makes me feel so much pressure to lose weight. I also hate the days we cook, but I dont eat and i feel like ppl. know everything about me or somthing. I dunno, sorry I'm just freaking out, I feel so out of control, like oneday I might just eat everything i can find or something. I hate this so much. But I still have the feeling like I dont even have an ED, but like im just making this up b/c I want one..does anyone else feel this way? I feel like im doing it all for attention, like its cool to have an ED or somthing...whats wrong with me??
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 9:21am

Caitlin,


There is nothing wrong with you in the sense that you are probably thinking about it. Some people have diabetes because of the way they have been eating, or struggle with other illnesses for other reasons. Your ED is nothing but an illness you are struggling wiith. Not to say that it's not a big deal or easy to overcome, but it doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. Does that make sense?


And I totally agree with you about food being everywhere and it made me mad for the longest time - still does on some days. However, as you start to recovery it just won't bother you as much. Once you start to nourish your body properly cravings will go away and as you start to deal with your emotional issues your relationship with food will change.


Last night I allowed myself a little splurge. I really don't do this very often anymore simply because I rarely crave sugar or carbs but last night I did. Plus I had gotten a food allergy test back indicating that my dairy allergy is gone and I wanted to test it. So I had a little bit of something in a restaurant that i normally don't include in my diet and then hubby adn I went to the store to buy some other stuff. We got home and I nibbled on a few things. In the past that would have gotten totally out of hand and turned into a huge splurge for which I would kick myself in the butt for today. And even longer ago it would have turned into a binge and purge. But last night, although the thoughts of eating more were there, I stopped because I was full and I honestly had no desire to feel bad today. That's a huge change from what my life was like before, but it also didnt happen overnight. I remember feeling just like you do and it took a lot of work (reading, journaling, positive affirmations, talking to friends) and seeing a therapist and a lot of time to get to this point.


I know you are frustrated right now but this too shall pass. Things can get better if you work on it. I wish I could tell you that things will just resolve themselves, but they won't. And I can understand being frustrated with your family taking you out to dinner on your b-day and for cake, but that's what people do. they probably thought they were doing something nice for you. Unless you tell them that that is not what you want to do on your birthday, they won't know.


Hang in there Sweetie. Keep working on it and things will get better.

Love & hugs, Kristina


The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.

Love & hugs, Kristina

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 11:09am
I can totally relate to what you are saying - I hate food, too. I'm so fat. I don't even know why I think that I have anorexia/bulimia because I'm way too fat to have either one. I haven't lost that much weight since I've been back at college, and I just still feel so gross about myself. I'm sorry that I don't have anything really positive or enlightening to say. I wish that I had the magic words to make everything all right. I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. I'm struggling with the same issues, and I'm here for you whenever you want to talk.

~Reba