~~~~~PLease help~~~~~~
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| Sat, 09-18-2004 - 11:46am |
I am New to this end of ivillage. I spend a lot of time on the ttc boards and those ladies are quite helpful. I am hoping I can find the same support here.
First let me say that will help you to understand how I know some things is taht I was anorexic in hs for about 2-3 years. So I know all the tricks of the trade. I am not really here to talk about me if that's ok. I am here to try and get some advice on my husband.
We met in college and he was bulimic. He had also told me that he was bulimic in his senior year of highschool. That being when it all started. Now approacing 9 years later I think he may still have an eating disorder but I am not sure. I few years ago I found vomit in the yard. I calmly approached him about it and he admitted that he had a problem and was appreciated that I was concerned but didn't want to get help. He said that he was only making himself vomit once a week maybe twice and that he wasn't ready to get help or thought that he needed it.(Though I did ntice that he had searched males with eating disorders on the internet.) It was also difficult because we got in countless fights over it. Now I don't think he's vomiting anymore. But the eating patterns are still the same. I am not finding hidden food anymore in the house like I was 8-9 months ago. That was terrible. He went through more work trying to hide wrappers than just throwing them away else where. What worries me is that I don't beleive the amount of food he eats is normal. Yes he's a big guy and when I am with him he eats like a big guy. But If he has the day off and his home alone. That's where I think the problem is. He would drink so much (not alcohol) and eat so much in a short span of time. (I work 7-2 and he probabaly gets up at 9 when I am at work) So between 9-3, that being only 6 hours there are a lot of wrappers, dishes, and either soda bottles (2 liter or) 1/2 gallon of chocolate milk gone in the trash. I am sure some days it's well over 3,000 calories. If I comfort him abnout it he gets defensive and we get in a fight and it's jut too much energy that I don't have. I just can't do it. I am worried because the crap he eats and I mean crap are either pure sugar or pure salt. For example, yesterday he ate a hungrey man meal (frozen dinner) that had two meatball subs each being 27 grams of fat a piece and over 600 calories a piece, they were both gone. He also had 1/2 gallon of chocolate milk that being 8 servings of what 5 grams a piece and 160 calories. Then there was also a whole tin of pringles. Thst being 8 servings again and 120 calories. He also ate a box of jucy fruits being 4 servings of 120 calories or so each. This was all in 6 hours. Now this is not every day. But probably 1-2 a week. Now he is not super over weight. But he is maybe 15 lbs over weight. But I would think if you ate this amount of food and then later had a big meal with me. He would be heavier. I don't know what to do. It's a battle I can't win I know that and it's him going to have to realize it. But all that salt and sugar is a heart attack or a stroke waiting to happen. He's only 27. What can I do? It's not like if I buy healthy foods he will cut back. I don't buy any of this crap. He goes out and buys it all. But I don't think he's throwing up. He could be and be very carefull But he always made a mistake somewhere and he's not making them. Unless the tricks have changed some which I am sure they could have. I dunno.
THnaks for letting me vent. I am so sorry that this is so long. Please if you have any ideas or suggestions they will be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Amy :-)

Hi Amy,
I am glad you found us and posted here. You must be incredibly worried about your husband and I hope that he will eventually get help. If he is eating the quantities of food you mentioend but he is not gaining weight, then my guess is that he is purging. But of course you wouldn't know that for sure unless you caught him or he admitted it.
The best thing you can do is continue to be supportive. Offer to help, be willing to listen and approach it from a "I am concerned" and loving way. If he thinks you're nagging him he will just get upset and even if you tell him you are worried, he may get upset. Just keep talking to him and offer to be there for him.
Love & hugs, Kristina
The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.
Love & hugs, Kristina
Thanks for responding. I think you might be right taht he may still be vomiting after all that food. I haven't comfronted him in a while about it because everytime I do it backfires. I know what you mean about using the "I am concerned" but that doesn't always work. I was a psyc major at college so I know about the importance of making it seem like I am not attacking him or that I think less of him or that I am blaiming him for what he's doing. Are there any other ways that would prove that he may be vomiting? etc. I know he thinks that I still may believe he does because when we are out at dinner he rarely goes to the bathroom after we eat. But when he does he comes back and gives me a kiss to prove that he didn't just throw up. Now the only other thing I notoced is that he goes through a toothbrush you know the blue indicators twice as fast as I do and I don't see him brush his teeth very much. (I brush mine twice a day too)Are there any other ways to approach him about all this? I am thinking of finding an artical about all that food and somehow mentioning it to him when there is no connection to all that consumption. Also are there any other signs to know if he's purging?
Amy :-)