Need HELP now!

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Need HELP now!
3
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 1:55am
Right now I am in so much pain. I am so insecure after graduating. No one will help me to get help(even after threatening to kill myself) So I need your help to help myself. I need to know what to do and now. I am going insane, ive really lost touch with my goals in life and as a result of depression/anxiety of a sudden life change(graduating) I began to be obsessed with eating. I do not want to lose my teeth or my hair. I like the way I am. But eating for about 5 hours straight after work isn't cutting it. I haven't pursued my career goal with the vigor of three months ago. I've done nothing and it's killing me. Eating has taken over something that I love, truly love and am passionate about. I have always been insecure about everything but now its worse. Now I cant even purse my goals.

I need help and I need to know how to go about it.

So my main defects are(in order of occurence):

1

Insecurity resulting from childhood shyness and poor communication skills, fear

2

Depression Resulting from Insecurity(Antisocial,Shy,Afraid)

3

Bulimia(non-stop unreasonable eating and occasional purging) Resulting from Depression and Insecurity; Causes me to be obsessed with food so I have no time for my goals, adds more Depression.

4

and now Insecurity and Depression Resulting from Bulimia AND Insecurity and Depression

I really just want to stop this. It is not something I enjoy, I just want to feel more secure and stop feeling dead inside. I am having serious thoughts about not going to my non career related work tomorrow because I was doing the eating thing today and again didnt have tome to work on my love. It's happening everyday now, I wasn't purging at first, hell I was even COMPLETELY against the idea of bulimics. but it happened. my hair is feeling weaker and my teeth are hurting/the enamel is rotting off. I have only been doing this for about the last 2 months. it's too much. I have always been okay with the way my body is. I dont want to change my body. I just want to get my life back.

Who should I see first? And what should I do about work tomorrow?

Respond soon Thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
In reply to:
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 3:49am

Oh Sweetie,


A great board for finding therapist and chats and health info.... etc. is www.somethingfishy.org I think it's good that you listed everything out, sometimes it helps to list things and look at them from a different perscpective. As far as work goes, is there a preferance... I mean like do you feel safer going to work and being out of the house? If you ever get really stressed and have suicidal thoughts call 1-800-SUICIDE.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to:
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 6:41am

Hi Sweetie,


You are already one step ahead just by knowing that you have emotional issues and what they are. I personally would try to find a therapist and ideally someone who has experience helping people with EDs.


The website Michelle mentioned is very good and will help you in your search for a therapist. It also has other resources listed. Please keep checking in here, too, and get additional support.


If you can make it to work today it might actually help you from bingeing. At the same time I know how difficult it is to be at work when you feel miserable. This is really something only you can decide.


Please let us know what you decide, how you are feeling today, and how things are going in general.

Love & hugs, Kristina


The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.

Love & hugs, Kristina

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to:
Sat, 09-25-2004 - 12:40pm
damn the thing is sometimes I feel like I can quit on my own, but then it happens anyways. Yesterday I went shopping with my sister... I had myself convinced that I could go there and just get a iced mocha(high calories) and come home and work on my hobby, however I got home slurred up a bit of mocha, started to eat some disgusting pasta, frozen hot dog buns, frozen chicken things, pickles like crazy, day old asparagus that was on the counter from last night, peanut butter and jam sandwiches, crackers... the list goes on. I wasn't hungry, I didn't want to eat that crap, my mind was out of control... I was basically eating from 7pm to 11 pm, non stop. I had to do something. So I puked. I became depressed and started to feel like never going anywhere ever again. I was so dissapointed in myself for losing control.. puking. When I went out I was feeling extremely anxious and couldn't even buy anything. I am so terrified of people. I feel like no one can help me, I wont be going anywhere today despite having plans. My teeth are more screwed up.