I'm tired of trying...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
I'm tired of trying...
2
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 10:37pm
I'm sick and tired of fighting this; fighting myself. I'll do so well for a couple weeks (this time I lasted 8 weeks) and then I'll crash... like these past couple days. I think I even had myself fooled, I thought I was over this; I guess not.

I know I have an eating disorder. My friends and family are oblivious to this. I try so hard to keep it hidden. I'm ashamed at how I let this happen and how I can't stop.

I don't know exactly how it started, but eventually I started to binge and purge. I'd just get these insane cravings and then I'd eat until I felt seriously uncomfortable... then I'd make myself sick. I hated doing this, but I just couldn't control myself. (This was back in October - February.)

I was deployed for four months, and I had stopped purging; however, I would still overeat whenever possible.

I promised myself that once I got back to the states everything would change. I would be in control this time. Well, I was for a while. I was doing so well: going to the gym, eating healthy, eating resonable portions, etc.

This past week I just don't know what happened... I've lost my motivation. All I've been doing is eating, I hate it!!! WHY CAN'T I STOP?!?! I haven't been to the gym in about 5 days (that's a long time for me.) I've been craving and eating carbs and sweets, I haven't felt it this bad in a long time; I'm scared.

Why is this happening?? When I finally started to feel good about myself it all turned to crap.

ANY advice would truely be appreciated... thank you for listening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 6:32am

Hi Sweetie,


I know so well what you are going through because I have been there. I know it's not easy and I know it's frustrating. It does sound like you are doing what most of us try at first and that is to control it. Unfortunately this disease is not about control or willpower. Typically there are deeper emotional issues involved that we simply don't want to deal with and for some reason we turned to food, and then bingeing, or purging, or starvation, or all of them.


First I would check out our community webpage http://pages.ivillage.com/eatingdisorders/

Love & hugs, Kristina

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 5:31pm
Well, these past couple weeks haven't been going too well. I've just lost all motivation to help myself. I use to be a runner (i say "use to" b/c i couldnt even tell you the last time i even attempted to run)... unfortunately, i've begun smoking again. And i've been B/P more often.

I'll eat good all day long until i get home from work... then i just eat everything in sight. These binges happen right before I go to bed. I'm starting to realize that stress and bordem trigger my binges; but i still can't seem to stop myself.

I was up at 0330 this morning watching TV and this infommercial came on that really caught my attention. It was advertising Get The Edge. I don't know if any of you have heard of it, but it sounded like something that could really help me. I'm kind of excited to see how it works or if it has any effect on me. I hope it does b/c it was kind of expensive ($219)... it should take about 2.5 weeks to get here. I hope I didn't waste my money... I be sure to let you guys know how it turns out.

Take care,

J