Comparing
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Comparing
| Wed, 09-29-2004 - 9:56am |
I have a question. My biggest problem is comparing myself to EVERYONE else and that is usually a trigger for me. I know it all starts with having no self esteem and I am working on that but how can I stop obsessing over other girls and comparing myself? I would love to feel confident enough not to freak out when I'm around other women. What makes it even harder is that there are a few women who I have to be around a lot that really make it hard, I swear sometimes I can't even look at myself after looking at them. So does anyone have any suggestions on how to overcome this?

I get the same way as you do I compare myself to everyone that is one of the reasons why I do not want to go into a group therapy cause I know that there are going to be girls there who are super skinny girls that are going to be heavier than me and then some that are normal weight but still have an eating disorder...and seeing the girls that are bigger tan me will make me not want to eat seeing the girls smaller than me will make me strive to be as small as they are ect...
I also have zero self esteem, so I know what it is like to constantly strive for the approval of others cause in fact or shall I say in my head if others approve of me than I have worth and I then approve of me... strang huh how we can be so down and so low that we need others to validate ourselves when we all have worth in the first place but we who siffer from an eating disorder dont see it that way we think that if I am thin I will be good enough I will be perfect and that isnt the case all of us know in reality that we are not healthy that no one like bones..but for me I am obsessed with bonesI have to be able to see my colar bone stick out I have to feel my hip bones see my robs ect...and I am normal weight like 104 or something but for me the triple didgets means I failed but this is so not about me sorry..
Sorry to ask this but are you in therapy right now? and if you are does your therapist know about this?
the best advice is if you are not in therapy get into it and if you are in therpy and your therapist doesnt know how you feel please tell them that way you can get the help that you deserve and to start to feel good about being you...
also trying to tell yourself all the good things about your body like your legs they carry you to all the places you need to go to and how your hands let you write and draw and hold things your mouth helps you speak I kmow it is odd but it can help..
best of luck to you
Erin
Thanks so much for your reply. You understand exactly how I feel and it's nice to know someone else is going through the same thing. No i'm not in therapy although I consider it all the time. My family also adivses me to see a therapist but for some reason I just can't do it. I would love to build up my self esteem and not rely on others to make me feel worthy. I'm taking a Human Relations class and my professor told me to think of three things i would like to think of myself as and then write a sentence with those three words in it such as "I am a strong, confident, and beautiful woman" and put it in three places I see everyday. Seems like a great idea. In the past couple of months "comparing" has been the only trigger I've had but it is also the worst I've ever had so I suppose there is no other way than therapy. Thanks for understanding how I feel almost exactly!
That is what we are all here for ..
I think that when we compare ourselves to others that hinders us from getting the help that we need and deserve..
I hope that you do take your family up on seeing a therapist they can be of great helpand insight..mine for instance knows what it is like to have an eating disorder she had one herself so I take what she says to heart since she has walked in my shoes before..
Good luck to you and take care of you
Erin
Hi,
I can't really add much to what Erin already said. I would definitely start seeing a therapist - you will be amazed how much it helps in the long run. The comparison issues is not unusual. I used to do it all the time and still do to some extent. The difference now is that I am a little more realistic about it and it doesn't ruin my entire day. At times I will say that I wish I looked like someone who just walked by adn then I let it go. That comes with time though adn I didn't get here overnight. As you work with a therapist not only on your self-esteem issues and other emotional issues, but also on seeing yourself the way you REALLY look, the comparison issue will get easier and easier.
Love & hugs, Kristina
The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.
Love & hugs, Kristina