What is healthy?

Avatar for jukie33
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
What is healthy?
5
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 11:23am

I am just at the very beginning of realizing I even have a problem. Bulimia has been an "answer" to my weight problem and now hubby is crying foul and I am getting freaked out that it may kill me or I may inadvertantly pass it on to my daughter. But I still look at obese people and think try bulimia. I was 296 after I first started losing weight so I know I was over 300 and bulimia has gotten my weight down. Now I look at people who are as big as I was and it triggers me never to let go of bulimia in fear of being that big again. Maybe I WOULD rather die than be that big again. BUT I have started making changes. I have started eating less and not binging like some animal and I have implemented a 3 mile walk each day. But is that me trying to get healthy or me becoming Anorexic? I eat less but now I feel I have to purge more. I haven't seen my T yet I see her in two weeks. But I told the psychiatrist and she seemed to think the walking was a great idea. It burns in me to walk the 3 mile route twice a day and to exercise more but so far I have kept it at 3 miles a day. But when I can't walk it because of weather or circumstances my brain burns with "your too fat issues". SO how do you know if it's healthy? Do all these eating disorders start out with healthy thoughts that just get twisted?


Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 10:31pm

Hi,


I personally think a 3-mile walk a day is great. The mere fact that you are concerned you will go too far in the other direction is a healthy sign. With continued therapy, and accountability partner (could be your therapist) I think you will be able to determine if/when you are doing too much. If you are existing on 1000 calories a day while exercising 2 to 3 times a day, that's too much.


Of course you always run the risk of going the anorexic route when you start modering your food intake, start exercising etc. but that in my opinion is no reason to keep purging. Just be honest with your hubby and friends, be honest with your therapist, and most of all, be honest with yourself and you'll get there.

Love & hugs, Kristina


The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.

Love & hugs, Kristina

Avatar for jukie33
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 10:33am

Thanks Kristina! You are helping to make the beginning stages of this recovery not so scary. Thanks for allowing me to ask these types of questions and not making me feel like I am a dunce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 10:52am

Hi Julie,


No worries - I am glad you have the courage to ask questions. Try to remember that you are not alone and somebody else may have the exact same question as you do and is just afraid to post it. The more you ask, the more you learn. I don't know anybody on this board on a very personal or intimate level, but I don't think anybody here would make fun of the other members for something they are going through or wondering about.


EDs are very complex and we all have similarities, but we also have differences in what we feel, experience, and desire. If your symptoms ARE different than most of the other people's symptoms, that does not make you a weird person. It just means you have different symptoms.


Hang in there Girl - you'll get there and when you do, you'll wonder why you ever lived your life this way. I know right now that may seem unimaginable, but everything will start to fall into place. Baby steps...

Love & hugs, Kristina


The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.

Love & hugs, Kristina

Avatar for jukie33
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 11:40am

I want that! I want the life where I think why did I live like that? I can't imagine how it is going to happen yet but I know I have to start somewhere if I want it to happen at all. I am starting here I think. Being honest about what's going on with me. I don't like living the way I am living but I tried all those alternatives first before I tried bulimia and they didn't help me. I guess I could try them again. But it is a very scary thought. But I tell my daughter to be brave all the time and thats what I will do. I also tell her that being brave doesn't mean you aren't scared it means that you do something in SPITE of being scared. SO I will start the journey no matter how long I linger in the first stages at least the journey has begun.


Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 6:31pm

While what you are experiencing right now may not be all that great, this is a good place to be. When you are so fed up with your life that you simply cannot and will not continue to live that way is when you are typically ready to make changes. Sounds like you are ready to do the hard work that comes along with it. Good for you! There will be really good times and not so good times. If you hit a not so good time just keep telling yourself that "this too shall pass". Plus get as much support as possible here, friends, family, etc.


You are doing great!!!

Love & hugs, Kristina


The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.

Love & hugs, Kristina