Scared and need help
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Scared and need help
| Mon, 10-04-2004 - 7:48pm |
I am 30 and never suffered from an ED before until this past year. I was always concerned with my weight though.
This past year has dealt me some devastating blows....I'll leave it at that. I do feel completely out of control and the fact that my company of 5 years is most likely going to lay me off tomorrow, makes me feel even worse. I have been fighting depression this past year due to life events that happened and dr. put me on Wellbutrin. About 2 months after starting the Wellbutrin I turned to food and went on binges...some consisting of at least 5K calories, purging afterwards or doing 90 minutes on the elliptical machine. This has been going on for 10 months now. The past month it has been the worst with bingeing and purging every day, several times. I have missed work and social events b/c of this. I stopped the Wellbutrin last week and don't notice much of a difference. I was afraid maybe it was making me compulsive?? I tried talking to a professional a few months ago but it did not help much. Tried all the self-help books....Nothing is working. I am going to find a new professional to talk to.
I feel so completely out of control and I don't understand why I can't get a grip over this and just stop it? I know it is b/c of underlying issues I have that I have to face, i.e. anger over being a victim of a crime, depressed over loss of relationship and other things that happened over the past 2 years...So I am turning to food as an escape. I know WHY I do it, but I just don't know how I can stop doing this. I feel so puffy and swollen, am gaining weight and I just can't get any control back. Please if anyone can help? Thanks for listening to my rambling...I'm sorry I'm all over the place.
This past year has dealt me some devastating blows....I'll leave it at that. I do feel completely out of control and the fact that my company of 5 years is most likely going to lay me off tomorrow, makes me feel even worse. I have been fighting depression this past year due to life events that happened and dr. put me on Wellbutrin. About 2 months after starting the Wellbutrin I turned to food and went on binges...some consisting of at least 5K calories, purging afterwards or doing 90 minutes on the elliptical machine. This has been going on for 10 months now. The past month it has been the worst with bingeing and purging every day, several times. I have missed work and social events b/c of this. I stopped the Wellbutrin last week and don't notice much of a difference. I was afraid maybe it was making me compulsive?? I tried talking to a professional a few months ago but it did not help much. Tried all the self-help books....Nothing is working. I am going to find a new professional to talk to.
I feel so completely out of control and I don't understand why I can't get a grip over this and just stop it? I know it is b/c of underlying issues I have that I have to face, i.e. anger over being a victim of a crime, depressed over loss of relationship and other things that happened over the past 2 years...So I am turning to food as an escape. I know WHY I do it, but I just don't know how I can stop doing this. I feel so puffy and swollen, am gaining weight and I just can't get any control back. Please if anyone can help? Thanks for listening to my rambling...I'm sorry I'm all over the place.

Hi,
Welcome to the board ;D This is a great place to vent and share. Two other places are www.somethingfishy.org and www.eatingdisordersanonymous.org
I am sorry for all you are going through. Getting a new therapist is a wonderful idea! Therapists that specialize in ED are listed at the something-fishy web site.
Hugs, Michelle
Hi alexabt32,
I am glad you found us and decided to vent. It sounds like you hvae a lot going on right now and I know that depression for one
Love & hugs, Kristina
I have opened up to it with one person..he just keeps telling me to "just stop it"...I tell him I wish it were that easy.
I think I found a new therapist to go to and am signing up for this 4 month clinical study...although I think they give you Prozac and not sure if I want to go on a drug. I feel that Wellbutrin really messed up my brain as it is!
I was good for one day and then fell apart again yesterday....I will try my best to keep hope that therapy and hard work will help kick this and the depression. Thanks again...
I saw your post a few days ago and wanted to respond but I haven't had a chance until today. There are some similarities in our situations that I wanted to share. I am 31, and my ED (bulemia) started about a year and a half ago, but before that I was also very consumed with body image and being thin. My trigger was not as extreme as yours - I was pregnant and simply worried about the weight gain. And afterward I was focused on getting back in shape. Before I knew it I was out of control. I am now on my 2nd therapist, and it is true that not all therapists can help you. My new one is great and although I still have a long way to go, I feel like I am going to make it. The biggest difference with her is that she specializes in ED. When you talk to someone who REALLY understands ED, they will get to the bottom of it all and help you reach the other side.
Something else that is huge in my recovery process is my faith in God. I don't know what your beliefs are, but knowing that a higher power is holding my hand every day is so comforting. And when I have a bad day, He still loves me. And you know what? I can hide it from everyone in my life if I choose to, but I can't hide it from Him.
Having friends to talk to about this also helps. The only people I have confided this to are my husband and my Bible Study Group. I felt so stupid the first time I opened up to them about it. I mean, I am 31 for goodness sakes! I grew up hearing about ED and 'knowing' about them. NEVER in a million years would I have thought I'd end up here. But those I have confided in have never made me feel bad. I do enough of that for myself.
Please try to find a therapist you can relate to. It will really make all the difference. And though I have not had depression or taken medicine for it, something tells me that if you can do the 'hard work' and face these issues that sent you into depression head on, you will be much better off in the end. Good luck. I KNOW how hard this is. I struggle every single day. This is a great place to come to for support, to vent, or to ask questions. I hope to keep seeing you here!
Sherri
Sherri
expecting baby girl#4 on 9/9/09
mom to Savana (8), Trinity (5) and Miranda (3)
Yes, a lot of similarities for sure with our exeperiences with the ED. Never, ever thought I would have one.
So glad to hear this new therapist is helping you. I haven't been lucky with that yet.
This has been a very tough year for many reasons and I I became so much more religious...praying and going to church all the time and I have hit such a low...I know it is b/c of the depression but things have all gotten worse instead of better and I have lost my faith. I know that is terrible to say and I feel guilty b/c things could always be so much worse, but I have just lost all faith that God or any of the saints I pray to are listening to me. Today was the first Sunday in so long I did not go to church...I guess the loneliness and hopelessness has just gotten too much. I know this is the depression....But it helped in a way to see someone with such a strong faith....I just hope I get that back but I do longer feel anything, spiritually.
Sorry to be a downer.....Tough weekend for many reasons. I did okay with the ED for 3 days straight and then last night was just awful.
Anyway...keep at it and staying strong...You sound good and I know you are going to kick this for good.