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| Mon, 10-11-2004 - 10:42am |
I have annorexia and I am affraid. I have been dealing with this off and on for awhile. I don't want to be locked up in some place. I have lost one hundred and fifty pds. I work out constantly my hair is dried up. I don't know what to do.

its a hard discease to walk through much less alone! what made you start feeling you were over weight? some women go through it cause they were born with this problem and some start cause they were ridiculed there whole life when they werent even over weight to begin with! i was anorexic for over 10 yrs! and it was a up hill struggle everyday of my life! i thought eating a piece of bread was like eating 4 steaks and 20 cokes!! it was devastating to me! i was sent to a charter hospital for 4 months for help when i was in my teen yrs and then again at 18 was sent away for a couple yrs to have people "make me better" as they say... i had to realize i had to be the one to "fix" myself with the support of others! you have got to have the support of others as well that love you unconditionally and you cant deny it anymore.. these are just a couple things you have to do! its a hard thing to beat!! but it is NOT unbeatable! and to be very honest with you.. you will always have a part of you that thinks you might be overweight or possibly unhappy with physical looks as in beauty!! trust me your probably the most gorgeous person inside and out you just dont see it!
i was down to 63 lbs and was dying in the hospital from my eating disorder! they told me i had anywhere from 3 weeks to 4 months to live there was no telling. and the thing was was that i loved life! and yet hated myself! and to this day im struggling with questions like.. am i fat.. am i ugly.. do i look ok in this... is my hair look good??! kinda questions. my hair started falling out to the point i was almost bald.. my teeth were getting very week to where they thought i was going to have to have all of them pulled and have dentures by the time i was 20. i have lost 3 permanent teeth from bullemia. thank god for implants :) i try to make a joke here and there to make you smile but not to make light of your situation!
i was in the hospitals for a total of about 9 yrs of my life.. i was losing 20 lbs a week and i loved it... im now 107 lbs which is healthy and yet still a little underweight but i am now looking at life as if its wonderful and i have one life to live i dont care so much what people think of me! i have a wonderful caring fiance who is there for me constantly no matter what! and i would love to be here for you if you need me to be! i can tell you everything your going to go through if you keep on this track and i promise i wont make it look pretty cause it wont be.. and i wont lie about it. you can get all better tomorrow and still look in a mirror and see a whole different person then what is standing there! god has really pulled me through alot in my life and i thank him everyday for getting me through my eating disorder!!
heres my email addy if youd like to email me and talk to me ok? dbrat2@charter.net email me anytime you feel the need to talk or a shoulder to cry or anything at all! ive been through alot in my life and i now use it to help others walk through there life and know theres someone out there that will and can help them as a friend!!
big hugs and prayers and thoughts to you
brie
Hey Girl,
I am glad you found us and opened up. I know this is scary but maybe the fact that you are afraid is a good thing. Sometimes hitting a low or being scared will cause us to start making changes and work on recovery.
You don't necessarily have to be "locked up" as you put it in order to recover. Have you thought about seeing a therapist or attending some outpatient group? If you are not in therapy right now, that is definitely the place I would start. Does your family know or do you have friends you can be open with? You should not be going through this by yourself.
Love & hugs, Kristina
The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.
Love & hugs, Kristina