going into treatment very afraid.....
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going into treatment very afraid.....
| Mon, 10-11-2004 - 5:45pm |
I AM GOING INTO TREATMENT NEXT WEDNESDAY TO A PLACE IN PHILLY i AM SO AFRAID TO GO i AM AFRAID TO GIVE IT ALL UP TO LOOSE A PART OF WHO i AM BUT i KNOW THAT IN ORDER TO BE "NORMAL" i HAVE TO DO THIS
i WENT TO THE DOCTOR TODAY AND WAS DIAGNOSED WITH aNOREXIA BUT i AM NOT SUPER THIN i DONTHTINK i AM BELOW 100 POUNDS SO HOW CAN I HAVE IT ?
IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE IT AND NOT BE 70 POUNDS?
AM I DOING THE RIGHT THING?
ARE THE OTHER WOMEN THERE WHO ARE SMALLER THAN ME LOOK AT ME AND SMIRK AND SAY THAT I HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE THERE CAUSE I AM OF "NORMAL WEIGHT"
I KNOW I SOUND DUMB I AM SORRY BUT WHAT IF THEY DONT WANT ME THERE I AM GOING TO BE THIRTY YEARS OLD IN FEBRUARY AND WELL SHOULDNT I BE PAST THIS ALREADY?
AM I BEING STUPID OR IS THIS WORRY NORMAL?
SORRY
ERIN

In November I will be 37, so no you are not too old.... there are women of all ages that deal with this. The one group meeting for ED that I went to, when I was about 20, had women of all ages, like 19 - 50.
A counselor told me that to have an actual diagnosis of anorexia you must have stopped menstruating. I was diagnosed with Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified/ EDNOS, because regardless of my weight, I still get periods.
You know what? It's not really the actual number of your weight that matters. It is if you are taking good care of yourself. Getting all the important nutrients and healthy calories for energy and physical and mental health is what is sooo important! So you could be close to a "normal" weight range, but still have an ED.
It is great that you are going for treatment!!!!!!! (o: You are doing the right thing! Your worry is not stupid, it is normal!!
HUGS, Michelle
I still get my period on the form she marked anorexia but I think it is ednos...
I am just afraid to leave my home for a week two weeks whatever I am afraid to the point that I want to cry cause I will leave my family my friends contact with my son..(he lives in arizona)
I restrict more than anything I purge once a week maybe twice I dont binge I just purge whatever I eat if I feel too full
I feel for my ribs my colar bone hip bones ect..
I used to have my hair fall out but not anymore I take the laxatives diet pills and I know that I can not bring those with me which is going to be hard..
no workingout every day that is going to be the hardest thing for me to do..
but is in patient treatment a little much or is that normal?
thanks
Erin
Erin,
I agree that your weight really doesn't matter. What matters is that you are doign things to your body that could eventually kill you. You have every right to be in treament regardless of your weight. I also think we tend to think everybody is going to focus on us and we wonder what they might think about us, etc. The truth is that the other women in that treatment center have much bigger stuff to worry about than how much you weigh. You also need to keep in mind that you CANNOT see how thin you really are. The other women may have the same issue and see you the way you as thin as you see them.
I think you are doing the right thing and I can honestly tell you that a life without ED is SO much better. Right now it may seem scary to let go of that part of you, but once you learn to deal with life no life's terms, it won't be that scary anymore. Keep in mind that none of this will happen overnight - the changes will be gradual. Nobody will expect you to completely give up everything you are used to the first day.
I hope you will be able to keep posting while you are in treatment. I would love to hear from you.
Love & hugs, Kristina
I am so proud of you for going in patient... it is an important step in recovery... try not to think it as losing a part of yourself, but as gaining the part of you that the ED has takin away from you - the abiility to do live without concentrating on food and eatting.
good luck on your journey, and we will all be here to support your continued recovery when you return :)
Alexis
I want to wish you the best of luck. I am familiar with the treatment center you are entering, I have been there. Believe me when I say I know where you are right now, I was there too. I was afraid and scared and didn't think I was "sick" enough. Luckily for myself and for you, someone loved/loves us enough to send us to the most wonderful place you could possibly be to deal with your eating disorder. I'm not saying the road to recovery is easy or something you can even wrap your brain around right now. But, just give it a chance. I will be "5" in March. That was my release date. I never thought I would be in recovery but here I am 4 1/2 years later. The treatment center gave me my life back and I know you'll find yours too! Best of luck!! I will be here when you return. :)
Hugs,
Becca