Not sure what I'm looking for.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Not sure what I'm looking for.....
1
Sat, 10-23-2004 - 11:56am
I posted this on another board, but have gotten no responses. I guess I would like some sort of feedback.

I am 30 yrs old and have only had Bulimia for about 2 years. Maybe kind of odd for someone so old to get an ED. Well actually maybe not. All the years prior to my ED I was obese. After my 3rd child I lost all my weight (100 + lbs.), but then developed this ED. So, I have always had problems with food. I also started antidepressants, 3 yrs ago, but that was before my ED started.

I have B/P just about everyday, sometimes several times a day for weeks now. I notice I am fine when I am with out people, I can control my portion sizes and choose the right foods. But when I am home with no other adults I have real problems with eating out of control. I'm a SAHM, so just about everyday I'm alone. I have 2 kids in school.

I have only told my DH and my grandmother, who is more like my mother. My doctor knows too, but we really don't have much contact with each other. So, I just try to manage it on my own, with meds, but my meds don't seem to help me. They did for the 1st 2 months but then my body must have just adjusted to them, I am up to 60mg a day out of a possible 80mg a day.

I went to a therapist 2 times. It was really just not affordable and I couldn't see how it would help me. Maybe I just didn't have the right person to talk too. My grandmother gave me a # months ago, of some one who is supposed to be able to help me, but I haven't called her yet. I guess she holds meetings for people with ED's. Must say I'm lucky though, my grandma has offered to watch my kids and contribute $ so that I could go to these meetings. I sometimes think about calling, I guess I'm just too embarrassed.

Funny thing is, when I'm actively B/P'ing I don't loose any weight. In fact a year ago I was 10 lbs. lighter than I am now. These 10 pounds suck! I would be happy to get rid of 5 lbs. and keep them gone, but my eating habits are so bad right now that it just won't happen unless I change something. Can't seem to change though...

I am really nervous about the upcomming cold season, being couped up in the house is bad for me. Last winter was really tough (I'm in NY, bad winter's) for me and the Bulimia was pretty bad. This past warm season was a lot better, I felt better and ED was there, but more under control. I must get seasonl depression too. The weather is keeping me in the house more now and the kids are at school, things are getting bad again and I'm afraid they will only get worse.

I want to be a *real* mother! This ED gets in the way.

What should I do?


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 7:26pm

Hi,


I think that you want to change is a great start. I would definitely call the person your grandmother gave you the number for and find out what those meetings are. Then I would also try to find a therapist that you really like and "click" with but give it some time before you decide it's not helping. Commit to 4 months for exampl, go regularly, and decided that until the 4 months are up, you cannot decide it's not working.


You can also read self-help books and during the day, when you want to binge/purge, try to find some chat boards, go for a walk, read, journal, etc. Check www.somethingfishy.org for resources and chat boards.

Love & hugs, Kristina


The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.

Love & hugs, Kristina