Small appetite - or a real problem?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Small appetite - or a real problem?
1
Sun, 11-27-2005 - 8:58am

I'm not sure if I have any place posting here, because I've never considered that I have a problem with eating disorders of any kind. But there are a few things about my eating habits that worry me.

For a bit of background - I am 23, about 163cm tall and currently weigh 48 kilos. I have always been quite thin and light - I weighed less than 45 kilos through most of my teen years, and only in the past few years did I really put on any weight, bringing me up to about 50-51 kilos at my heaviest. I don't have any major body issues - I can look in the mirror and see that I'm small and thin with quite a nice figure, but as most women do I have areas I would like to change - a little softness around the tummy and thighs, a bit of cellulite. I used to dance when I was a teenager which kept me quite fit and toned, but stopped when I was about 18. Since then I have lost a lot of that tone, and I don't really do much exercise at the moment, though I really want to join a gym early next year when I have some spare cash and time, as I do went to get my fitness levels up, tone up and get some flexibility back - not because I want to lose weight. Having said that, I did start to get a bit worried when I was up to 51 kilos - I know it's still very low weight, but for me it felt like a lot. Mostly I was worried that I would continue to put on weight from then on, and then not be able to lose it - my mother and grandmother were both also quite thin when they were my age, but got a lot heavier as they got older.

Now for my relationship with food. I have been a vegetarian since birth, and will absolutely never change that. I consider myself a very good vegetarian compared to some, I don't just cut meat out from my diet and not replace it with other things, I actually eat a good deal of tofu, beans, pulses, nuts etc. At the same time, I don't have a particularly healthy diet - I really don't eat as much fruit and veg as I should, I really like cheese far too much and also eat a lot of white breads and pasta and things. The other problem is that I have an exceptionally small appetite. Although I have foods that I really love, and I do get hungry, generally food for me just seems like a hassle and I have no real motivation to eat it. I've never counted calories or anything like that, but I do know that I often survive on phenomenally small amounts of food in a day. I don't eat breakfast most days, I rarely eat lunch - if I do it's usually something small - so a lot of the time it's just one meal a day. Often I'm quite hungry by dinnertime, I do like to cook and so I will eat a decent size meal - other times I sit down to dinner and, despite the fact that I haven't eaten all day, I only manage a few bites before I feel too full.

I work part-time as an assistant magazine editor, I am also the editor and co-publisher of my own magazine which I work on after hours and on my days off. On the days I work in an office, I've gotten into the habit of not eating lunch. Mostly it's because there's nothing too appealing within walking distance, and I don't drive, and I can never be bothered or I never think about packing lunch to take me with me. But again, mostly I just can't be bothered - I'd rather ignore food altogether until I get home. I also get too busy some days and just don't want to stop working - on those days I will sit at my desk for seven or eight hours straight and not get up once unless it's to go into one of the other offices for something. I won't even drink water - which is another thing really bad with my diet, I definitely don't drink enough. My eating habits at work really worry my boss - she's quite maternal towards me and is constantly urging me to go out and get some lunch, or at the very least take a break.

Although I have always had a small appetite, it's gotten far worse in the last six months. I've been through a lot recently. In April I was hit by a car, sustaining multiple fractures that made it difficult to prepare and eat food, I was also in a depressed state and ate only the bare minimum for a couple of months. It kind of became a habit I haven't really gotten out of yet, I guess. I've since been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder for which I'm in therapy. I was starting to improve just a little with the eating, but then I suffered another blow with the unexpected death of my father just over a month ago - again, dealing with that had my appetite down to almost nothing again. As I said before, i currently weigh 48 kilos which means I have lost weight, and I know that's not healthy.

I guess what I'm trying to get at with all this is that while I may not fit the exact profile of someone with an eating disorder, I wonder if I'm kidding myself by just attributing it to a small appetite. Because when I think about it, living off essentially one meal a day is definitely not normal or healthy. Thinking of eating as almost an optional thing is not normal or healthy. And having a lack of energy, dizzyness and nausea after any semi-large meal is not normal or healthy - though I guess some of this can be attributed to my other problems. I also worry knowing that I have so many issues with anxiety and that food somehow becomes linked to that for me, I have a need to feel in control and choosing not to eat sometimes is almost a way of having control - I hate being at the whim of my body that's forcing me to do something I really don't want to do.

I have quite a bad habit of writing really long posts, so if you got all the way through this - thanks! If anyone has any words of advice, I'd be glad to hear them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 7:19pm

Hi,

Welcome to the board and thank you for sharing with us. Sometimes it's hard to tell if someone has an ED or not, but the fact that you are concerned leads me to believe there might be more to it than a lack of appetite. You also pointed out that you have issues with control and that not eating is a way to have control - that is most often the case with women who have an ED.

I would read a little more about EDs and see if you identify with any of the symptoms and feelings other women mention. You could post here more frequently, see what kind of feedback you get and see if you identify with the posts of any of the other members. Another great website to check out is www.somethingfishy.org. Just kind of browse and read through the site.

Ultimately I would seek out a good therapist and talk about what is going on with you. If you are dealing with more than just a lack of appetite than it's most likely some deeper emotional issue causing it and a therapist can help you with that.

Let me know what you think.

Love & hugs, Kristina


“It helps to resign as the controller of your fate. All that energy we expend to keep things running right is not what keeps things running right.” ANNE LAMOTT



The opinions I have expressed here are from my own experience and are not intended as medical advice or to take the place of your own physician's advice.


Love & hugs, Kristina